• Replies 1 reply
  • Subscribers 67 subscribers
  • Views 511 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Help

Vonnie

Hi, just after some advice please. 


My youngest, just turned 15, has just told me they think they are autistic. She showed me an online quiz she did that was sent to her by a friend who just had a diagnosis, and their 'aspie score’ was 124 out of 200. Is there a recognised test that I can get them to do?

They believe they have high functioning autism and have been masking for years. Her nephew has Autism, diagnosed at an early age, and I have always thought her elder brother, now 18, is on the spectrum as he had typical traits but when I asked the doctor about this when he was 6/7 the doctor said he was just a typical boy, and as my husband was not supportive I never pushed it. He had a dyslexia test at school as I pushed for this but it came back as having dyslexic traits, so again I let this go. He copes well, and doesn’t see the need for a ‘label’ so I have never pushed this. 

My daughter though is different. Always done well at school, liked by everyone etc until about 2 years ago, (lockdown and marriage break down) when they came out as non-binary and changed their name and pronouns. She prefers he/they. There has been anxiety attacks at school, and they have struggled with emotions. Saw a school councillor at first but stopped after a few months as ‘they aren’t very good/don’t understand’.

 I recently took them to the doctor to get referred for CHAMS, as they asked to see a counsellor again but not the school one, who assessed the information received from the doctor and signed them off as a self referral to local child counselling and for the doctor to refer to transgender service. (GIDS) we had already been referred to GIDS but they came back asking for more information from the doctor. Still waiting for a reply after sending that through. 

Sorry I digress, just after some advice on where to go from here. I don’t see the autism in them, but that doesn’t mean they have not got it and I don’t want my lack of understanding to hold them back if they do have it, but also don’t want to push something that may just be a cry for attention/help if you get me. Sorry not very good at explaining! I did the test too to try and show them it wasn’t  a real test but mine came back 96/200 

Many thanks for getting this far and any help/direction appreciated.

Parents

  • Happy Christmas.

    Your youngest (like many others, including me) might be seen as being "complicated"(!) 

    New Year, new plan, maybe? 

    Simplifying things will help you to clarify.  So, for what they're worth, here are my thoughts.   

    Turn your post here into a list.   Like this...

    1. They're 15.

    2. They're non-binary.

    3. They think they're autistic.

    4. Autism is in the family ...

    ... etc.

    Keep it handy for a while, on your phone, or a pad if you're a pen-and-paper person.

    Edit it, whenever you think of something. 

    Add things to it, as you think of them. I do this in the car at service stations, in coffee shops etc.  I tend to think of things in the shower so sometimes I'm sitting on the bed wrapped in a towel changing it(!)  The edits I make are sometimes surprisingly self-revealing in terms of clarifying where my thinking is leading me,  

    Change the order, and prioritise everything. But always keep it short and pithy (that's the point - strip out the non-essential words).

    It's the thinking process that helps, not just the list.  Involve them in the thinking, but keep it laid back and cool (not "we have to get this plan done!").  They need to feel in control (we all do).   

    A plan will emerge, because the best strategies do 'emerge' rather than arriving like a bolt of lightning.

    Be flexible - the military adage is "no plan survives 'first contact' with the enemy".  Adaptability should be central, because you learn new things, circumstances change, etc.    

    I was actually taught this approach by someone who was, for many years, a fairly well known business leader, because in that position there's a lot of complexity but you have to have a plan, and no plan is perfect.  But they used it in every aspect of life.

    It perhaps wouldn't work for everyone, and I used to fear that it was a bit silly. But I know now that it really, really works for me. Puts me back in control and prevents me bobbing at the whim of fate. It's helped me to make some really big decisions in life.

    The best thing is that they have a thoughtful, caring, sensitive parent who is working hard to do the best for them, and for anyone in such a situation, that's more important than anything.  It's the number one priority.  

    Just my thoughts, anyway.  Really wishing you and him/them all the very best.   

Reply

  • Happy Christmas.

    Your youngest (like many others, including me) might be seen as being "complicated"(!) 

    New Year, new plan, maybe? 

    Simplifying things will help you to clarify.  So, for what they're worth, here are my thoughts.   

    Turn your post here into a list.   Like this...

    1. They're 15.

    2. They're non-binary.

    3. They think they're autistic.

    4. Autism is in the family ...

    ... etc.

    Keep it handy for a while, on your phone, or a pad if you're a pen-and-paper person.

    Edit it, whenever you think of something. 

    Add things to it, as you think of them. I do this in the car at service stations, in coffee shops etc.  I tend to think of things in the shower so sometimes I'm sitting on the bed wrapped in a towel changing it(!)  The edits I make are sometimes surprisingly self-revealing in terms of clarifying where my thinking is leading me,  

    Change the order, and prioritise everything. But always keep it short and pithy (that's the point - strip out the non-essential words).

    It's the thinking process that helps, not just the list.  Involve them in the thinking, but keep it laid back and cool (not "we have to get this plan done!").  They need to feel in control (we all do).   

    A plan will emerge, because the best strategies do 'emerge' rather than arriving like a bolt of lightning.

    Be flexible - the military adage is "no plan survives 'first contact' with the enemy".  Adaptability should be central, because you learn new things, circumstances change, etc.    

    I was actually taught this approach by someone who was, for many years, a fairly well known business leader, because in that position there's a lot of complexity but you have to have a plan, and no plan is perfect.  But they used it in every aspect of life.

    It perhaps wouldn't work for everyone, and I used to fear that it was a bit silly. But I know now that it really, really works for me. Puts me back in control and prevents me bobbing at the whim of fate. It's helped me to make some really big decisions in life.

    The best thing is that they have a thoughtful, caring, sensitive parent who is working hard to do the best for them, and for anyone in such a situation, that's more important than anything.  It's the number one priority.  

    Just my thoughts, anyway.  Really wishing you and him/them all the very best.   

Children
No Data