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Teenager refusing new carpet and to move things in room

Catnap

Our 16 year old will not allow us to tidy his room. He hoards old clothes, books, toys and even teeth. He refuses to let me go in and tidy up his room and despite talking to him about it, he is not changing his mind. I have started to accept that this will be the way for a while as he is clearly not wanting to quite literally get rid of the pst.

we are due to get new carpets fitted in the house next week as the current ones are so old and really run down and stained. Our son is refusing to let us lay it in his room as it will mean his moving his things. I have offered to do this for him but he said he will go in and stain the carpet if we get the new one laid. His behaviour is being very controlling and we reallY are at a loss as tO what to do.  

Parents

  • Hi I’m also an autistic 16 year old so I could try and offer some insight into why he may be acting like this. My room is sort of a safe space for me because I am in control of what happens there and it is free from the scariness of the outside world. Because of this it is really distressing for somebody to move my stuff around or change something in there without my permission, and can cause a meltdown. Perhaps your son is feeling overwhelmed with other things right now like school or other events so is becoming more reliant on having a ‘safe space’. I think that a good idea could be suggesting that you both clean up a bit together, therefore he is still in control of what is happening but also clears space for a new carpet. Talk with him and maybe make a list of what you need to do (this is really helpful for me, eg first on the list could be move things from desk area). The thing that instantly gives me motivation to clean my room is the prospect of getting a reward for doing it, my dad says he will let me buy some stuff online lol. I hope this helps a bit and good luck!

  • in reply to Babushkat72

    Thank you for all your brilliant insights into how my son may be feeling. It helped me talk to him. We said it was completely up to him and we would respect his decision either way. Also talked to him about keeping things where they originally were. He took many photos of his room even down to the order of books on the bookshelves and moved everything out with our help. As it was the carpet later was lovely and having an autistic nephew was able to somewhat understand where our son was coming from. He reassured my son that he would look after his room. My son was really pleased with the end result. We are so proud of him and he will be getting a huge bag of biltong which is what he asked for as a thank you present from us! 

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  • in reply to Babushkat72

    Thank you for all your brilliant insights into how my son may be feeling. It helped me talk to him. We said it was completely up to him and we would respect his decision either way. Also talked to him about keeping things where they originally were. He took many photos of his room even down to the order of books on the bookshelves and moved everything out with our help. As it was the carpet later was lovely and having an autistic nephew was able to somewhat understand where our son was coming from. He reassured my son that he would look after his room. My son was really pleased with the end result. We are so proud of him and he will be getting a huge bag of biltong which is what he asked for as a thank you present from us! 

Children