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Tantrums that develop into meltdowns

LH85

My non-verbal 4 year old son is going through an awful (I hope) phase where he has meltdowns after being told he can’t have/do something he wants. 

We try to avoid “no” and raising our voices. We try to redirect him to other things/activities. Sometimes these work but a lot of the time he’ll start to cry and whine. After a couple of minutes, this develops into blood-curdling screams, biting, hitting and all the other hallmarks of a meltdown. 

Everything I google is about telling the difference between the two. What about when one graduates into the other?? 

Has anyone else experienced this?

Parents

  • Yeah I agree with Martin, a tantrum normally stops when they get what they want. A meltdown can't stop and has to run its course. 

    The only way to figure it out is to study your child, their body language, words, actions etc and learn them. 

    Also, consider things like are they kicking off because they did not want to leave somewhere, or if the TV was switched off during their cartoon. Look at getting visual timers /clocks for kids (they have them on amazon or places that sell sensory things). Less talking to them,  explain when the clock turns to a colour its time to change activity. Kids on the spectrum have a tough time changing between activities.

    Basically trial and error, it's not easy. I feel your pain.

    Good luck

  • in reply to NAS39314

    Thank you both. Relaxed️ there have been significant (unavoidable) changes to his routine in the last month so perhaps he’ll settle a bit once he gets used to things. 

    Really like the timer idea - thank you Blush 

  • in reply to LH85

    In my experience, if you afford your child the exact same respect you would a client or a boss, they'll respond the same. As children we need fair warnings, matters of diligence, follow through and reliability. 

    Interruptions are incredibly difficult to deal with because everything can intensely impact us. It's a breakup with out warning. My son would often opt to not watch a programme if I told him we needed to leave and he wouldn't be able to watch the entire show. I would always let him know the schedule and then allow him to decide if he would like to be immersed in something OR give him another option not leave him with just a dead end and no other thing to momentarily play with.

    If you have a new routine, help him understand as best you can (maybe even draw a picture chart with him) the order of events. These should all help. 

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  • in reply to LH85

    In my experience, if you afford your child the exact same respect you would a client or a boss, they'll respond the same. As children we need fair warnings, matters of diligence, follow through and reliability. 

    Interruptions are incredibly difficult to deal with because everything can intensely impact us. It's a breakup with out warning. My son would often opt to not watch a programme if I told him we needed to leave and he wouldn't be able to watch the entire show. I would always let him know the schedule and then allow him to decide if he would like to be immersed in something OR give him another option not leave him with just a dead end and no other thing to momentarily play with.

    If you have a new routine, help him understand as best you can (maybe even draw a picture chart with him) the order of events. These should all help. 

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