My son is 4 and when I tell him not to do something, he swears and tells me he hates me! School have already told him about the word 'hate' but he's back to it again
I just need someone to talk to!
P.s hes not been diagnosed yet
My son is 4 and when I tell him not to do something, he swears and tells me he hates me! School have already told him about the word 'hate' but he's back to it again
I just need someone to talk to!
P.s hes not been diagnosed yet
My nan put the fear of God into us. Once mum became incapacitated, my brother and gran were at loggerheads with each other; and I always had to mediate. But, things settled once he grew up. Simply because I relinquished control.
My grandmother (amazing woman) gave me incredible advice just before my son was born. Do everything with him until he assumes responsibility. When children are ready, they ask you to stop helping them with a thing (like cleaning a room or dressing), it's a much more natural way of growing, allows agency and has a sort of grounding effect.
She also told me to be wary of never asserting dominance, because that can destroy trust. ON the opposite side it's also good to not be nebulous or passive-agressive. So, instead of saying "you need to go to your room and get ready for bed", assert- "it's time for bed. Would you like help changing, shall I come with you? Or would you like to do it on your own." This makes what's happening clear and allows them to choose How this routine will happen. They become part of the process rather left alone to sort it. But it's also good to give warnings and not interrupt/cut short a process. Allow them room to fail to until they get it right.
Children need to feel parents are at the 'helm of the ship' but not feel squashed or dismissed in the process - usually they want to be part of the whole family "team". So, it's good to simply act as the Captain :) Children want to feel connexion and purpose and feel safe and important.
Hopefully this helps. I've had my share of being yelled at. As a mum, it's my responsibility to help absorb & contain my sons emotions. There's no one else on this planet who will tolerate it from him, so if I'm akin to a therapist on occasion and he can let it out, it's therapeutic. He's in his 20's and will now take notice if he snaps at me and will always apologise. I don't flinch. Boys need their mums and I know it makes him feel absolutely horrible when he does - it's very rare.
Last year he actually brought this up! He was angry for my allowing him room to breakdown. And it was one of the first times he's seen me breakdown a bit in response. There's a whole world that will reject him for repressed emotions. I may budge on many things but never this. He can join a fight club if it suits, but all humans forced to repress feelings, who are not allowed to just let out their frustration in a SAFE place, cause more harm than good in the world.
Hi there,
He is still very young at 4 and is still learning things he sees and hears.
First thing first is speaking to him calming and explain why things need to be done in a certain way. My child is autistic and she needs continuous explanation slowly and calmly. It takes me time to repeat and explain but it does work eventually. But what she likes more is for me just spending quality time with her and just playing about and listening to her even though her communication is limited but it helps and it builds a happier calmer atmosphere.
Again study and see what he like to do, it could be watching kids programme, music, playing with a ball, football, playing toys or reading. Whatever it is share it with him and build a bond it will help.
Children really work better in an environment they can relate to and understands them. They will have their moments but it will minimise any uncomfortable moments
I wish you well while you wait for him to be diagnosed.
I wouldn't read too much into this, small children often do not like being told what to do and test boundaries constantly. My older daughter was extremely defiant of authority at that age, and would have screaming tantrums, I often would carry her up to her bedroom and just have to wait for her to calm down. My neice gathered a few nappies and her favourite toys, put them in a bag and announced that she was leaving home as her mother, "Was ruining her life". She didn't make it as far as the garden gate, of course.
