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Undiagnosed teenager

LOLNAS75896

Hello all, I am the mother of a wonderful 14 year old boy who remains undiagnosed (probably Asperger's)
- because he is not considered 'bad enough'. After years of frustration and fear of not being heard or understood
(on my part as well as my sons!) –  today, with recent struggles upon socialising with his peers, I felt it to be
the right time to start a conversation about differences and how some people maybe wired differently – not mentioning
the 'A' word as yet. I think it went well overall, he felt better after talking - there were tears on both sides, especially when recounting episodes
of bullying and how that made our family feel. It will be a conversation we will continue to have to enable my son to move forward.

If anybody has any nuggets of advice, similar stories or inspirational tales, I would be happy to digest :)

Parents

  • My inexperience stops me from giving much advice but I will say I sympathize deeply with this, my mum struggled when I was younger with getting help as I was 'high functioning', often the more she persisted the more they assumed she was the one struggling.

    I hope you do continue to fight for your son as you seem to be already. He is very lucky. Ultimately the more knowledge you both have the better so keep reading/watching videos. Make sure you both understand what he is good at so he can use those things to his advantage.

    One of the things I struggled the most with was socially acceptable solutions to stimming, fidget spinners weren't around when I was at school. Finding confidence in being able to bend social normalities like that will help. I started singing in a choir and got involved with sports teams as it gave my body something to do and focus on whilst not needing to verbally socialise much. Getting involved in group activities that he is good at, where the emphasis is on the activity may help him feel more confident around people and give him the chance to practice social interactions. 

    Most people focus on the problems but not the solutions. I find the way questions are asked has a huge implication on how I answer. This can impede help being given if he doesn't understand what is actually being asked of him and how he feels about it.

    Good luck and I hope you find people that can offer more help than I can :)

  • in reply to Basementcat

    Thank you so much for your reply…and your help! You’ve given me more acknowledgement than I have ever received in 14 years. Yes, the stimming! We’ve never really mentioned it, but questioned it when he was young and nobody listened. I guess we’ve bumbled along and found our own way, thank goodness for fidget spinners! Because he feels more conscious of himself and his peers, we will continue to support him in the best way we can. Thanks again and wishing you all the best in your adventures.

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  • in reply to Basementcat

    Thank you so much for your reply…and your help! You’ve given me more acknowledgement than I have ever received in 14 years. Yes, the stimming! We’ve never really mentioned it, but questioned it when he was young and nobody listened. I guess we’ve bumbled along and found our own way, thank goodness for fidget spinners! Because he feels more conscious of himself and his peers, we will continue to support him in the best way we can. Thanks again and wishing you all the best in your adventures.

Children
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