Should I get my 7 year old daughter an ASD Assessment

Hi,

I was diagnosed in January with ASD at the lovely age of 45.  I have a son, who is 9 and diagnosed with ADHD and is on the waiting list for an ASD assessment.

My 7 year old  daughter got into a fight with another girl yesterday (my daughter kicked the other girl punched my daughter's chest) and when talking to the teacher about the incident it came up that the teacher thought my daughter was borderline on the spectrum.  Even the teacher was shocked by my daughter's behaviour.

Her dad and I have suspected something but because she is a model pupil in school (good handwriting, spelling, loves to learn, wants to be sociable) we have done nothing about it and to be honest she is not too bad at home but it is the little things she:-

Can get very anxious in certain situations  - school or home

Only eats certain foods

Can be blunt with what she has to say at times and does not understand that it can upset some one e.g. - why do you have yellow teeth?

Dislikes labels in clothes and only wears certain clothes or does not wear any clothes apart from knickers

Does not like to talk about certain situations and will say 'Í do not want to talk about it!

I am sure there is other stuff but to me and her farther they are very subtle so I am just asking for some advice - 

Should we go ahead and get a diagnosis now or leave it?

Thanks in advance 

Dawn 

Parents
  • At this point, it can only be purely beneficial to her. Say she's autistic. It can help with mindfulness and awareness, which can lead to agency and far more possibilities in her future. It's always beneficial to understand the process of seeking professional assistance to aid with guidance. Females are often overlooked and they suffer far more for it. Many of us are 30+ and had we known we may have chosen completely different paths. We may have encountered much less unneeded problems. At this point in life I'm now aware that the world around isn't purposefully being cruel or overbearing or purposefully ignoring my questions. Had I known this in my late teens I may have had assistance with Uni, but instead couldn't make it through. I may have avoided abusive men who were enraged by my autistic brain. Now I can spot immediately when there's miscommunication and keep an individual at an arms length. 

    There was so much I didn't need to go through. And there were girls I didn't need to be friends with. The more she's aware of her strengths and how she perceives and experiences the world, the better her chances at navigating society and finding an amazing career which she's well-suited for, rather than being fired from far too many positions simply due to unknown limitations. I vote yes ;)

  • Also, if clothing is an issue, try starting with these: www.cambridgebaby.co.uk/.../for-bottoms

    All natural fibres are much better for human biology. The cotton ones are amazing for sleeping. I wear wool/silk around the house and hate taking them off. Pure wool and silk are both actually proven help regulate the body's temperature whereas polyester is made from petroleum and a form of plastic. 

  • Hi Juniper 

    many thanks for a brilliant summary of the benefits of self awareness and agency. Avoiding potentially harmful situations - both physically and emotionally. - seems like in itself a reason to get a diagnosis. 
    May I ask what are the downsides? Prejudice ? Living with a ‘label’ seems overly simplistic to me as no two people with ASD are the same. If you had sought diagnosis earlier would it have helped you job wise or in education? 
    it seems that with some disabilities eg dyslexics there are obvious things to do like use coloured paper or dictate messages - but what help specifically is given to ASD students and employees? 
    take care - you are amazing 

Reply
  • Hi Juniper 

    many thanks for a brilliant summary of the benefits of self awareness and agency. Avoiding potentially harmful situations - both physically and emotionally. - seems like in itself a reason to get a diagnosis. 
    May I ask what are the downsides? Prejudice ? Living with a ‘label’ seems overly simplistic to me as no two people with ASD are the same. If you had sought diagnosis earlier would it have helped you job wise or in education? 
    it seems that with some disabilities eg dyslexics there are obvious things to do like use coloured paper or dictate messages - but what help specifically is given to ASD students and employees? 
    take care - you are amazing 

Children
  • Thank you. There does seem to be a LOAD more help now than there was when I was young. Honestly, I was let go from a part time situation even though I kept explaining that I had dyslexic 'issues'. Depending on where you are, will depend on the awareness. 

    Currently, as an adult, there is a positive response when I tell individuals I barely know that I'm on the spectrum or neurodivergent. This has become helpful when speaking with a neighbour who I can now assess is highly neurotic (control issues, constantly trying to dominate and demand everyone join into their tribal alliance of some random act of piety like veganism - I would call her slightly fascist but I won't go that far.) It may be there are more individuals who are ND and understand 'Social Codes' creating a public awareness that allows social fluidity for these 'labels'. 

    I do think had I the understanding of how my brain worked and focusing on my strengths, would've been incredibly useful when young. I struggled with essays, but managed to be able to give verbal ones. I struggled with understanding assignments but teachers were appreciative of my effort. Doubtful my mother would've been able to deal with it appropriately so who knows. It was still a different time - the windows at school opened. Cleaning agents weren't completely toxic, LEDs didn't exist, pre-internet. I didn't watch tele much as a kid. We bought a tiny B&W one when I was about 11. 

    My journey has lead me to believe that the absolute best way to interact with the world is found in matters of ethics and aesthetic. But not ethics that are possibly health and safety issues (for instance, female biology requires far more iron and B vitamins than males, if you need to 'feel good' about what you eat, I might suggest you're doing it wrong).  

    I've also found I don't always operate according to my feelings, and I'm actually not really bothered about 'fitting in' if it means compromising my values, my authentic self desires to see others as worthwhile, including myself, so I rely on the ethics of being reasonable and respectful and kind to everyone including myself. But this perspective did not come easily. Now I am able to see what might be cruel behaviour within normal society or what might be not beneficial behaviour from an autistic. I think there is a middle ground where we can all meet. But perhaps this involves matters of maturity. And I say this because just giving an excuse for ones behaviour doesn't help solve problems. AS individuals still need to be a functioning part of society, even if a bit weird or eccentric. I will note that a more wealthy class can get away with certain 'autistic' behaviours and be excused for it far more than the working class and this is an interesting phantom. I discovered once I integrated perspectives and mannerisms and dress codes of individuals in a 'social strata' far above where I was at, it was easier to navigate matters of business. And I only did this as out of desperation to try and stay 'afloat' (currently in England, but I grew up in the States and it's sink or swim there). But aesthetics are a key component to feeling grounded for me. So I do appreciate the art of certain social graces, though I might not always recollect when and where to assert them. 

    However - you mentioned labels. They don't need not be public unless one is really disabled and has trouble with agency (like knowing my own threshold in a public space and being able to exit). But had I help in Uni (failed a few classes from simple disconnect with what the professors were even talking about) it could have really changed my life. Having a psychologist help me navigate my strengths and weaknesses and give me purposeful direction, or help me see what I was good at would've also been life changing. In my 20's I really needed to understand matters of psychological functioning, nuances in sociology - I could see these systems of exchange but not properly identify them. I could recognise when someone was upset with me but had no clue as to why. Autists need practical help with some things in order to benefit and be part of society. If I knew then what sort of individuals I would become Prey to and how to spot them (sociopaths, for instance) this also would've had a hard impact on my life. My brother and I both talk about the unnecessary 'sh*t' we both went through for lack of proper parenting / help. I'm happy for what I know now, but still struggle. 

    The labels or identification are good for an employer, for legal and financial and medical help. Even when speaking with a nurse, there's miscommunication. The way society operates now is becoming drastically different (more so than 50 years ago), so the imperative is there. And possibly in the STEM industries, beneficial.  I just think the benefits outweighs any disadvantage. The only downside to be noted is when Autists are not assisted in becoming their best selves by treating them with kindness, affording agency and dignity and respectfulness so they mirror this back. Teaching them how to be reliable and trustworthy by having integrity myself. There are many individuals who mirror back the hostility they feel overwhelmed with. We need to feel protected and in that state of being we can grow. 

    This is longer than intended! Hopefully it helps!