I guess it’s unfortunately not possible to delete a post, so I’m replacing it with this. I’ve copied and pasted the helpful parts of the replies into my notes app, but I don’t want these vulnerable thoughts and feelings out in the internet universe for other people to judge. This is the first time I’ve ever posted in an online forum looking for some empathy and I will never ever do it again.
I really don’t like to judge others situations but your post just goes on about how your autistic child impacts your life. Try thinking how you, your partner and other children and life in general impacts your autistic child?
Have you tried a pop up dark tent? A weighted blanket? A battery operated fibre optic light? Does your child like a massage? Buy a therapressure brush really good for sensory seeking children. Do you have an outside space? Get a bubble machine really cheap from Argos. I’d recommend the gazillions bubbles though. My son can spend ages spinning in circles watching the bubble go up in the sky. Does your child like trampolines? An autistic friendly trampoline session maybe an idea? What about water time? Your child could wash bubbles or shaving foam off of toy cars? Does your child like play doh? Lego duplo? Sand? Dried pasta and rice? A bag of soil in the garden let your child dig or hide his cars or fill up diggers? Be prepared to wash and dry everything clean afterwards or have water in a bucket handy incase your child decides he wants his toy clean. What’s your childs favourite toy, book? I actually got balloons and blow two up at the weekend and just tapping the balloons in the air and repeatedly doing it over and over again my son was laughing at me jumping around silly trying to stop the balloons going on the floor. He was joining in too. Or even tap the balloon over to your son and see his reaction.
We read tiger who came to tea every night since Christmas 2020 and now we are reading a Peppa pig fire engine book too. It’s small steps. Does he have a device? A kids kindle is a great device or an iPad although these are a bit more pricey. Does he like listening to music related to a cartoons or movie? My son loves the monster inc theme song and some of toys story songs a a low sound at bed time. Have you tried a choice board with pecs symbols? A now and next board? I would do these activities one on one or just sit beside your child as he may not want you to join in or watch from a distance. My child now manages to let me play with one car that he will pick and it’s a small step but to me it means the world as last month he would never have let me join in as cars are his special interests.
I’m saying these ideas as these are things I do with my son who is nearly 4 years old. It seems a lot of ideas and He responds so well some days and others maybe only engage for 5 mins and some days not.
I try to do gentle parenting with my son and you know it works a treat I try to be patient and see his behaviour is a reaction to a challenging environment.
Yes you are in the dark about your child’s future but we all are and it’s frustrating at times but You will drive yourself mad always thinking about the what ifs.
I appreciate all these wonderful suggestions. Thank you. The last thing you said was very helpful — thank you. To be clear — I am constantly thinking about how I/my family/his environment impacts him. This post was me being very vulnerable about other thoughts I sometimes have when things are especially difficult. Everything I do is for my son (and my other kids). Not that I feel like I’m a good enough mother for him because, trust me, I don’t.
The fact that you are taking the time to come onto a forum and be open about your feelings and worries shows that your a good mother.
When my eldest child who’s 11 now was first diagnosed I remember speaking to my doctor in tears telling her life shouldn’t be this hard. I was embarrassed, blamed for years that my parenting wasnt correct and that’s why my child was the way he was. It was traumatic. We all have moments when we feel like we are going round in circles but your trying your best and that all you can do.
Both of my children are on the spectrum and It would be impossible to get to a place where meltdowns and parenting in general does not overwhelm or feel like we are getting no where.
I was giving you some ideas that may help your child during or after a melt down such as the dark tent and also some activities that can be used as distraction or to help prevent sensory overload. I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad by giving you ideas. People told me these things to try and I see it helping my child that’s why I wrote them all down like that.
Your ideas didn’t make me feel bad. I really appreciate them. Usually my son wants space during a meltdown, so unless he wants to be held, it’s more a matter of riding it out. But I still really appreciate the ideas and am going to try some of the ones I haven’t yet. I think he’d like a lot of them when he’s not in the middle of a meltdown.
I’m so sorry you went through that with your first! And to have his own doctor tell you that — how awful! I hope now you know that nothing she said was true, and nothing you did was to blame. It sounds like you’re amazing and your kids are so blessed to have you. I appreciate the kind words and empathy.
Your ideas didn’t make me feel bad. I really appreciate them. Usually my son wants space during a meltdown, so unless he wants to be held, it’s more a matter of riding it out. But I still really appreciate the ideas and am going to try some of the ones I haven’t yet. I think he’d like a lot of them when he’s not in the middle of a meltdown.
I’m so sorry you went through that with your first! And to have his own doctor tell you that — how awful! I hope now you know that nothing she said was true, and nothing you did was to blame. It sounds like you’re amazing and your kids are so blessed to have you. I appreciate the kind words and empathy.
