Sister of an adult with undiagnosed ASD - feeling desperate

Hi, my brother is in his fifties, not diagnosed but I have long been convinced that he has ASD and he suffers with severe depression and anxiety.  He receives substantial emotional and practical support from me and our mother (in her 80s and in poor health).  He has difficulty managing his anger, frequently shouting and swearing at me and my mother, and often has difficulty eating and is underweight.  He lives alone, having moved twice in the last couple of years (when things go wrong that he can't cope with, he feels his only option is to move) and he is again trying to sell the house he moved into just 5 months ago.  He receives ESA (Employment Support Allowance), and I managed to persuade him to see his GP for the first time last week on the basis that JobCentre Plus will need to see a GP note, and she was very patient and supportive (having been confidentially briefed by me in advance) and spent an hour and a half with him - but he is refusing to engage in anything she suggested (blood tests for nutrition related issues, a further visit to her, a referral to a mental health team professional).  He is due to attend an ATOS medical assessment review tomorrow, which I am due to attend with him, but he has rung my mother this evening shouting at her, saying that he will not attend - he is clearly feeling too distressed to attend.  This is one of those times when I'm feeling at my wits end.  We can't make him attend, but I'm so worried that they might cut his ESA benefit, particularly if he refuses to attend.  Does anyone else face similar challenges with an undiagnosed adult family member?  How do you cope?  Are there strategies that could help him?  He acknowledges how unwell he feels, but attributes it all to external circumstances (being bullied when he was a child, experiencing problems with young people living in his neighbourhood, not being able to sell or buy a house, etc) and feels that the solution is for me or my mother to "sue the government" - and that any medical support, counselling, mental health referral, etc would not help solve his problems.  Any thoughts, comments, etc would be very welcome.  Thank you for reading my post.

Parents
  • Thank you for the further suggestions.  I would love him to access support such as Direct Payments or get access to a social worker or pshychiatric nurse.  The difficulty at the moment is that he's never received any diagnosis (beyond GP diagnosis of his depression and anxiety) and never discussed the possibility of anything like ASD.  He did discuss aspects of his depression, including eating problems, with his GP last week, but is refusing to take up the offer of any further support or visit to a mental health professional, as he feels his problems are external ones that could be solved by "suing the government", and he wants me and my mother to do this.  Anyway, I've explained to  ATOS why he can't attend today and they've explained the process and evidence I need to send them, so I just hope now that he'll feel able to go with me to it once it's rearranged.  All this while taking the day off work, not for our planned visit to ATOS, but to look after my sick mother!  Aargh!

Reply
  • Thank you for the further suggestions.  I would love him to access support such as Direct Payments or get access to a social worker or pshychiatric nurse.  The difficulty at the moment is that he's never received any diagnosis (beyond GP diagnosis of his depression and anxiety) and never discussed the possibility of anything like ASD.  He did discuss aspects of his depression, including eating problems, with his GP last week, but is refusing to take up the offer of any further support or visit to a mental health professional, as he feels his problems are external ones that could be solved by "suing the government", and he wants me and my mother to do this.  Anyway, I've explained to  ATOS why he can't attend today and they've explained the process and evidence I need to send them, so I just hope now that he'll feel able to go with me to it once it's rearranged.  All this while taking the day off work, not for our planned visit to ATOS, but to look after my sick mother!  Aargh!

Children
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