Sister of an adult with undiagnosed ASD - feeling desperate

Hi, my brother is in his fifties, not diagnosed but I have long been convinced that he has ASD and he suffers with severe depression and anxiety.  He receives substantial emotional and practical support from me and our mother (in her 80s and in poor health).  He has difficulty managing his anger, frequently shouting and swearing at me and my mother, and often has difficulty eating and is underweight.  He lives alone, having moved twice in the last couple of years (when things go wrong that he can't cope with, he feels his only option is to move) and he is again trying to sell the house he moved into just 5 months ago.  He receives ESA (Employment Support Allowance), and I managed to persuade him to see his GP for the first time last week on the basis that JobCentre Plus will need to see a GP note, and she was very patient and supportive (having been confidentially briefed by me in advance) and spent an hour and a half with him - but he is refusing to engage in anything she suggested (blood tests for nutrition related issues, a further visit to her, a referral to a mental health team professional).  He is due to attend an ATOS medical assessment review tomorrow, which I am due to attend with him, but he has rung my mother this evening shouting at her, saying that he will not attend - he is clearly feeling too distressed to attend.  This is one of those times when I'm feeling at my wits end.  We can't make him attend, but I'm so worried that they might cut his ESA benefit, particularly if he refuses to attend.  Does anyone else face similar challenges with an undiagnosed adult family member?  How do you cope?  Are there strategies that could help him?  He acknowledges how unwell he feels, but attributes it all to external circumstances (being bullied when he was a child, experiencing problems with young people living in his neighbourhood, not being able to sell or buy a house, etc) and feels that the solution is for me or my mother to "sue the government" - and that any medical support, counselling, mental health referral, etc would not help solve his problems.  Any thoughts, comments, etc would be very welcome.  Thank you for reading my post.

Parents
  • In my case both "shelter" and "citizens advice" were helpful.

    Idon't know what area you live in but it sounds like your brother would be eligible for Direct Payments to support independent living, though savings are considered in financial assessment

    .I'm sorry that anyone finds themselves in this position-it sounds like you also want gp to ask for emergency referal to an autism social worker and psychiatric nurse/key worker. Your brother should be entitled to professional support. Your brother is very lucky to have family support and the thought of those without support and in a similar situation unable to access help is terrifying. 

    Night night

Reply
  • In my case both "shelter" and "citizens advice" were helpful.

    Idon't know what area you live in but it sounds like your brother would be eligible for Direct Payments to support independent living, though savings are considered in financial assessment

    .I'm sorry that anyone finds themselves in this position-it sounds like you also want gp to ask for emergency referal to an autism social worker and psychiatric nurse/key worker. Your brother should be entitled to professional support. Your brother is very lucky to have family support and the thought of those without support and in a similar situation unable to access help is terrifying. 

    Night night

Children
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