Autism in Teenage Girls

My daughter is almost 14 and we are wondering if she has Autism. She is certainly a Highly Sensitive Person, introverted and very self-conscious. She has nose dived in the last 6 months and we are wondering if it is more than Covid, lock Downs etc. She is not wanting to return to school and speaks of wanting to be 'invisible' and of having no 'social Skills'. Her thinking is very  black and white and mostly she thinks of herself as 'Rubbish' at everything. Before drawing in on herself after the last lock down she has always enjoyed school, reading a lot and is a deep and philosophical thinker. Her main feature though is her deep empathetic feeling. In the past she has had many sleep overs and a number of friends. Now she is wanting to be on her own and says she gets tied by too much time with a friend. I wonder it has been a perfect storm...Covid, the challenges of being a Teenager and perhaps those underlying traits that have come more to the surface now with the challenge of growing up and individuation? She has always been very sensitive to food (a very controlled diet), textures (cutting labels out of clothing for example). She can be a little obsessive but I have always thought of this as a quirk.  For example she will come up with a list and then want us to order it, 'what's your favourite, second favourite, least favourite...etc. Also for many years she has been very keen on Film Certification! I am wondering how we go about investigating this? She is at a school where  next year is about producing and presenting a project about a subject that she can choose. She is mortified by this. In a way it is challenging her to grow and express herself but the thought of it has overwhelmed her. She just does not want to be seen. I believe Autism presents differently in girls and any observations would be welcome. 

Parents
  • Wow - there is so much here I relate to! I'm about 30 years older now :)

    We live in a society that is sometimes like being on a conveyer belt with oncoming traffic. Barely the ability to stop, breathe and actually be in the moment let alone summon an inner awareness. Covid has allowed many of us to step off this rat race and live for a minute like kings: Time is not against us. History books are riddled with who are not allowed time to dream about the future, make plans, spend time just learning to listen, to think, to read, to become educated. It's incredibly wise that she has apprehended time like a resource of self-discovery.

    When you say she loves philosophy, and also tends to be B&W with her thinking, it may be good to look at this from a different perspective. 1. Language can be organic. Humans are very incongruent between their words and actions. Words have far too many meanings and having problems with social nuances, one genuinely needs to be much more Pragmatic and Articulate to make sense of things.

    2. Philosophy is a massive playing field where everything is a sort of gradience. Everything can be connected and disconnected, it can be assembled and reassembled. Systems can be apprehended and still have things escaping from them. There are planes of existence and multiplicities of being, becoming and dissolving. Nothing is stable - and this is where it is a matter of possible Madness that the Philosopher begin to define and catalogue concepts, specifics, calculations. If you've followed anything here, understand that it is of grave imperative to create structure. This may appear as B&W thinking from a young mind, but it may be necessary to be overly specific as matters are Far Too Grey to begin with. As she grows up, if she goes studies Logic and Philosophy she may become far less B&W to where her ability to live in more of this gradience might even become uncomfortable for most Neurotypicals. This is a process of gaining education and maturity.

    As far as film, I work in a Post Production field. There are Directors, Producers, Cinematographers, Writers, Editors, Set Designers and everything else in between. To ask a budding Producer to conceptualise a script or a Set Designer to Direct talent would be absurd. Of course she's mortified. If her mind is a gigantic messy library, the worst thing you can say to her is 'The Sky is The Limit'. She's frozen like a spinning beach ball. The best thing you can say is, here is a contract to make this specific thing in this specific way on this specific medium. Limits and Boundaries will help. Hopefully her instructor is aware and will allow students to team up. 

  • Thank you for taking time to reply, You have made some interesting and observant points. It is an unstable world and all things are forever changing. As human beings we can easily try to cling on to habits and views to make us feel secure. Adaption to this comes with growth, reflection  and maturity. Things can change for the better.

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