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My 5 year old is physical when angry

Daisywoo

Hi, 

Im at breaking point. My 5 year old has been diagnosed privately  with asd level 1. He wants to control everything, the slightest loss of control (including mainly not getting his own way) and he goes straight to physical violence with me and my husband. Kicking, punching, throwing things, stabbing me with a pencil, pinching me. He needs therapy. The gp says CHAMAS will likely reject a referral because of his age. But we need help. We feel very alone and it’s having a negative effect on our relationship and our mental health. We have tried reward charts, calming spaces, social stories, many calming toys, etc. Nothing works. When he’s out of it he’s a kind, caring, sweet little boy. It’s like his switch flips and I’m quite frankly scared of my baby at times. I’m ashamed and embarrassed that people think it’s my parenting. I am exhausted negotiating, preparing and trying to avoid meltdowns. 

kind advice gratefully received. 

  • Hello Daisywoo,

    I'm sorry to hear about your son's physical violence. The NAS website has many articles about meltdowns which may be of help to you. Check out this one: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns/all-audiences

    If you type 'meltdown' in the search box more articles will come up. You can also go to 'directories' and type your postcode or town name to find help near you.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Karin Mod

  • Unfortunately I think the normal super-nanny stuff does not always work with autistic children.

    I vividly remember comments in the playground about my bad parenting but knew very well that if I had 'told off' my child he would have just got worse and become distressed, it would not have helped anyone. At the time I did not understand why, but since learning about autism I can now see why a different approach is needed.

    The outbursts are usually a sign of distress, and parenting is difficult but not impossible, involves spotting triggers and giving them prior warning of what's going to happen, and helping them feel.safe. I can't explain it very well but someone from NAS may be able to point you to helpful material they have. 

    Please don't be embarrassed by his behaviour, he is only 5 and probably finding the world confusing place, it will get better, and you are great parents doing everything you can, so he has that on his side.