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Can my son have a happy stable routine living with separated parents at 2 different homes

NAS74221

My wife and i are separated, but we have joint residence of my two sons, one of whom has ASD (he is 7 years old)

I've done a lot of study on Autism, ASD etc and living 3 days a week with me and 4 days a week with his mum, to me he seems happy, settled, and calm with this situation, and as far as myself and my son are concerned, things seem fine and I would call our present situation a settled routine, i am just as involved in all aspects of his life (school, clubs, holidays etc) as his mum is, but my ex-wife does not agree and thinks it is not a routine that works for my son and is trying to get me to have him less of the time, she thinks he should.sleep in the same place every night and wake up in the same place every mornig

My son has frequent tantrums and shouts at my ex wife almost every day, apparently after school of after he comes back from my house, but he never has tantrums with me or shouts.

I'd like to hear what everyone thinks, would you call our currant situation an acceptable routine or not, and why does he have tantrums and shout at his mum but not me?

Thanks All 

  • because the boys mum is not here to speak for herself. 

    Has anyone asked the boy if he knows what is stressing him out the most  ?

    --- get someone independent to do this. That way he wont be lead by the questioner. That way you might get some genuine answers.

  • in reply to Lau

    yes, but he only does it with her, when i pick him up from school he never has meltdowns, he's always fine.

    Not that my ex would ever admit it , but i think she stresses and shout more than i do, so maybe thats why he does it?

  • If your son is masking all day in school he will more than likely come home exhausted and feel totally burnt out. A lot of kids who mask all day come home and meltdown or completely shut down. 

  • could be that your ex just cant be bothered dropping him off round your place all the time, or she wants him more and to cut you out as alot generally do. i guess she could be stressed at the situation of taking him round to yours all that time, and she probably displays that stress or anger in some way in which your son picks up, and ofcourse stress rubs off on others, if you hear someone angrily spitefully talking you feel their anger and frustration but then its more targeted towards them for making you feel that way. could be your son shouts at her because she perhaps is stressed at the situation instead, and that stress rubs off onto your kid, then your kid is frustrated at her for making him feel that way. could be that?