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Issues with school

ParentingAutism

Hiya, my daughter has been struggling with school and communicating her issues with the teachers, which leads to her behaviour getting problematic. 

For example, she is finding the change from school to home hard. She finishes earlier than the other students to help her settle in but she is now refusing to come home. She was the last student to leave school yesterday and I had to come pick her up. Yesterday, she was tearing display boards down, ripping things off the wall, head-banging, punching things, swearing. She even locked the teachers out her room and out of the corridors. She was also wanting to hurt the staff. One got slightly in her way and offered to chat to find out what's wrong but instead she shoved the teacher out the way. My daughter will hurt someone if she wants to. 

Friday, we also had the same issue but we figured it was because she didn't want to go to her dad's house because she knew that if she went home, she would need to see him. In the end, 2 staff took her home and looked after home, while I was on my way back from work, but she tried to escape many times, she apparently had a tablet in her hand and she was just pacing about. When I arrived home, she tried running off so myself and a member of staff had to hold her and walk her back to the house, where she then tried jumping over the fence into next door. 

The teachers are working with her in school but she is a high risk student for running. This is an issue because the school have sports day on Thursday but it's next to a road in a field I believe, and she will struggle with the noise and she doesn't even like sports day so I thought I might keep her at home but my daughter doesn't like that idea because 'Thursday is a school day so I'm going to school'. That's what she said to me but it's a tricky situation. 

I really don't know what to do, so any advice about going home, will be very helpful?? 

Thanks x

Parents
  • ParentingAutism said:
    My daughter will hurt someone if she wants to. 

    She sounds as though she feels like a caged animal. Against her will. Enslaved in a circus. 

    How old is she, again? 

    She does not know her own limits. She sounds like she needs a month or a year at a retreat to meditate and learn about her self - what hurts and what helps. And then to learn practical measures to re-engage in society. 

    Many humans stay in relationships or environments that are harmful out of familiarity. The devil you know. However, if the new environment is stressful how does that help her learn? I am surprised she's in a social envrionment without practial step-by-step psychological and physical rules of engagement. In order to thrive we need to feel protected. She sounds like she is merely struggling to survive. 

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey
    JuniperFromGallifrey said:
    How old is she, again?

    She is 15 years. 

    There's another problem I didn't include which is she is very anxious about the summer holidays because she has to see her dad a few times and this time last year she was struggling with her mental health and it just keeps coming back to her and she struggled so much last summer. She is just very anxious and I believe she takes it out in school. She's always done this so I think she's doing it again. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    She needs a break. From literally everything it sounds like? 

    Can you buy a notebook to leave on a table for her to write down every last thing she feels anxious about? Not a digital one, but paper. And a collection of writing utensils. Allow her to fill it up and with a little deductive reasoning you should be able to find the patterns of prominent issues. Again, we all need to feel safe to thrive. Without health and without safety, we end up in survival mode and will not be capable of learning, growing or maturing. For someone autistic, safety could entail clean walls and surfaces.

    It's difficult for young humans to work out the underlying complexities causing stress and anxiety, let alone ones with language issues. 

    As for her father, if he's hurting rather than helping, do you need to go to court? Do you need the police involved? Does he have such an ego he cannot realise when he's hurtful rather than helpful? Or is also autistic. There's just too little here and family struggles might be better served with a moderator and a qualified therapist. There's not much to go on here. 

    As a parent, I can tell you that every time I learned a new perspective shifting concept or I learned a new technique to better equip myself as a more grounded healthy 'human', my son effortlessly became the ideal I was embracing. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    i feel like he likely doesn’t properly understand autism, which is common and easily fixable. there’s a brilliant book called ‘can you see me?’ that’s written by an autistic girl and though the mc is younger than your daughter, is a brilliant resource x

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