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NAS73886

So our son has recently taken a massive step after 4 years of hardly leaving the house to join in with a group for young people on the autistic spectrum which aims to help them get back into education and employment. The mentor was friendly and got on well with him but unfortunately wasn’t clear with plans for the sessions, changed what was going to happen and didn’t tell us in advance. I had discussed my concerns with him but things didn’t change. Yesterday, our son went along expecting to be playing games and doing quizzes at the meeting place but they had all gone for a walk. So I contacted the manager just to explain our issues, hoping that she might have a word with the mentor. Her response was that our son isn’t far enough along in his journey to access their services, that is to say, they can’t accommodate his needs. Apparently he has to be able to cope with those things in order to go to the group. She more or less said it was his fault for being late (20 minutes, he was really struggling with anxiety) 
I just wondered if anyone has any ideas what I need to say to her if I decide to meet her tomorrow? To my mind, it seems like another case of trying to fit neurodiversity into a neurotypical world Pensive

Parents

  • For your son, I'm not sure if this is his first time with the group of young people on the spectrum, but if it is, then the first time going to any new location is difficult (anxiety provoking), especially to somewhere you know you're going to socialize with people you don't know (more anxiety), and when he finally took that leap and went there with you, they changed plans without informing him (even more anxiety), and he was left out. What the heck. Your son after 4 years of being housebound, took a big step to leave the house to be a part of a group created for people like him, only to be left out? What the heck!

    That mentor was not even taking steps to understand your son's situation with social anxiety, and they're treating your son as if he's not good enough to join the group (he's left out and excluded), and he has to "go farther along his journey" and be able to "cope" in order to join the group. Like isn't the main objective of joining a group is to learn social skills? How's he going to learn if they don't even let him be a part of the group. That's such twisted logic that mentor has.

    And does the mentor not know that those with ASD like routine, and having things planned out. Then why would they just change plans out of nowhere without informing anyone, as if it's no big deal to go to an empty location to know that you've been excluded and left behind. That's not right, and then to put the fault on your son and that he's the one who needs to improve, and not them? Somehow if they don't clearly inform anyone of a change in plans, it's somehow not their fault? I don't like that at all.

Reply

  • For your son, I'm not sure if this is his first time with the group of young people on the spectrum, but if it is, then the first time going to any new location is difficult (anxiety provoking), especially to somewhere you know you're going to socialize with people you don't know (more anxiety), and when he finally took that leap and went there with you, they changed plans without informing him (even more anxiety), and he was left out. What the heck. Your son after 4 years of being housebound, took a big step to leave the house to be a part of a group created for people like him, only to be left out? What the heck!

    That mentor was not even taking steps to understand your son's situation with social anxiety, and they're treating your son as if he's not good enough to join the group (he's left out and excluded), and he has to "go farther along his journey" and be able to "cope" in order to join the group. Like isn't the main objective of joining a group is to learn social skills? How's he going to learn if they don't even let him be a part of the group. That's such twisted logic that mentor has.

    And does the mentor not know that those with ASD like routine, and having things planned out. Then why would they just change plans out of nowhere without informing anyone, as if it's no big deal to go to an empty location to know that you've been excluded and left behind. That's not right, and then to put the fault on your son and that he's the one who needs to improve, and not them? Somehow if they don't clearly inform anyone of a change in plans, it's somehow not their fault? I don't like that at all.

Children
  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    It’s not right at all I’m afraid, my son did feel really left out and angry. It’s the attitude of the manager on the phone to me today which really has me feeling annoyed now and that’s why I’m asking if anyone can think of how I can respond appropriately to her. I managed to talk to her on the phone but I’m anxious myself about getting my point across in person (without getting upset Smile) I can be a bit like Rachel in Friends when she’s trying to confront her boss, if you get the analogy Sweat smile