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Tips for dealing with quick temper

NAS72680

Hi everyone.

If anyone has any tips or advice i would appreciate it.

My daughter is 4, asd possibility...waiting for diagnosis. She has a very quick response to things that don't seem to go her way or the way she hoped they would. This turns into aggression and hurting all those around her. I keep trying to enlist key words that could help her with her emotions and dealing with this...such as help, waiting and trying to keep her calm.

Sometimes we can see that aggression and dysregulation will occur but sometimes will be out of the blue.

Thanks for reading 

  • Hello ,

    I am sorry to hear that your daughter has been displaying some aggressive behaviour - this must be really difficult for you. Individuals on the spectrum can often display behaviour that may be challenging. There will generally be a reason for this and it is important to try and understand the trigger for the behaviour when developing strategies. https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour

     You may like to have a look at the following link for more information on behaviour and strategies:

    You may be interested in seeking some professional support regarding the behaviour. You can search for professionals in your area we are aware of on the Autism Services Directory: www.autism.org.uk/directory.aspx

    All the best,

    Chloe Mod

  • in reply to Gerty

    We have been using a visual timetable and trying to prepare her as much as possible for transitions. 

    I suppose as you say there will come a time that she will learn to accept these changes.

  • Only thought I can add is that you may need to adapt to her and make sure she knows what is about to happen before it happens, e.g. tell her the whole plan for the day and stick to it as much as possible.

    Once she's lost it, no amount of words will help, something to practice later would be accepting things that are not as you wish/expect.

  • I'm curious what you mean by 'out of the blue'. I can say this happens to me with ANY interruption, which literally feels like I'm being hit from the back of the head (though I'm in my 40s and not 4 and have learned a sort of self-regulation and to create an environment where this doesn't happen).

    Interruptions such as turning off the tele without a warning or being forced to stop something before I'm finished. When I'm in my head having a think and calculating something and someone starts speaking to me or if I'm cutting something in the kitchen and you interrupt - turning on a light or asking a question I might accidentally cut myself. 

    The ability to hyper-focus is also met with an inability to shift gears without warning and schedule. So, my strengths, which work well for my job have another side to them. When I was young I needed a 15 min warning to leave and get ready. When my son was young I'd let him know if there was enough time to watch a full episode, and if not, he'd often opt out of watching. I still have an extremely difficult time if a task is uncompleted or a relationship is broken.

    You may have completely different examples. I'm not the best reading between the lines. But if she is AS, then most likely it's rarely ever about 'getting ones way' but feeling knocked about and violated and unprotected and rudely interrupted. Methodical and Dependable daily exchanges coupled with treating my young human with the Respect I afford other adults, along with teaching him agency (the ability to help me understand him) - is how I parented my own son.