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Advice please

Relli

Hello

My daughter is awaiting a diagnosis for autism. She has been seen by many healthcare professionals and they have all said that it very clear she is autistic. This is completely new to us as a family and I am learning as I go. I am seeking advice and support where I can. We have just celebrated her 13th birthday and we did everything she wanted to do. She has seemed really happy all day and this evening she has had a huge meltdown, she is withdrawn and crying. She struggles to communicate (she can talk perfectly but she cannot express herself in words) this has always been the case. I am unsure why she has reacted like this, like I said this is all new to us. I am looking for advice and to ask if this is a common thing. Maybe it’s all been too overwhelming for her I don’t know. She refused to do her birthday cake and wants to leave it until tomorrow, which we totally respect and we wouldn’t push it. It’s quite upsetting as a parent I don’t know what we have done wrong. 

Thank you

Parents

  • I'd say that your daughter had a really fun birthday, but by the evening she sounds totally exhausted. Her energy levels probably got very drained during the day, but she likely kept pushing herself to keep doing a lot of fun and exciting things with everyone until she got very, very tired and had a sudden meltdown, so she likely just needs some space to rest to recouperate. 

    I think that meltdowns are quite common, because socializing is draining, and we're absorbing and processing so much information that it can overwhelm us. If she even put off eating her birthday cake till tomorrow (and I'd think that normally no one can resist a cake, let alone their own birthday cake!) I think she must have been just really, really tired and needed the space to rest and relax. 

  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    I completely agree and I am so proud of her she did amazing yesterday. Looking forward to cake today and if she doesn’t want candles or for us to sing then that’s ok. I just want to support her the best I can. Thank you it really helps to talk to other parents and carers. I have been bagged from a friend to join something like this but felt anxious about it and have put it off for months. It is one of the best things I have done all through this process. So thank you x

  • in reply to Relli

    I have meltdowns sometimes so I understand what your daughter is going through, but the important thing for you as a parent to know and understand, is that in you're not doing anything wrong. You are very supportive of your daughter, allowing her to make decisions that are best for her, and respecting her wishes, asking her what she'd like and not like on her birthday. I could only hope more parents are this supportive as you are towards your daughter. 

    As a comparision, my family would use fear, punishment, control, and threaten me to try to change anything undesirable about me, which is basically everything about me, and that only gave me trauma as a result. 

    So I'd say that it's a blessing to have anyone who genuinely cares about you and loves you, that you are so happy that you just have the freedom to be yourself. And I would imagine if that supportive person was a parent, that it'll just make life all the more better.  

  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    Hi

    i can’t imagine how that must of felt. I am so grateful to people sharing with me. I really don’t want to get this wrong. 

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