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Advice please

Relli

Hello

My daughter is awaiting a diagnosis for autism. She has been seen by many healthcare professionals and they have all said that it very clear she is autistic. This is completely new to us as a family and I am learning as I go. I am seeking advice and support where I can. We have just celebrated her 13th birthday and we did everything she wanted to do. She has seemed really happy all day and this evening she has had a huge meltdown, she is withdrawn and crying. She struggles to communicate (she can talk perfectly but she cannot express herself in words) this has always been the case. I am unsure why she has reacted like this, like I said this is all new to us. I am looking for advice and to ask if this is a common thing. Maybe it’s all been too overwhelming for her I don’t know. She refused to do her birthday cake and wants to leave it until tomorrow, which we totally respect and we wouldn’t push it. It’s quite upsetting as a parent I don’t know what we have done wrong. 

Thank you

Parents

  • It sounds like all the fun became too overwhelming for her. My daughter is 11 and only recently received a diagnosis but very early on we learnt that birthdays tend to lead to meltdowns because there is just too much going on for her to process, one minute she will be really enjoying herself then the next she breaks down.

    We tend to break birthdays down now, a few people visit across a few days, no loud music, we keep it quite relaxed and chilled like any other day other than opening presents. She doesn't like doing birthday cakes as she doesn't like everyone singing and staring and also isn't keen on cake lol! We normally get her special cookies and just place them on the table like we would any other snack and she loves holding them up for a photo. Don't be upset, you haven't done anything wrong, you've noticed she is struggling and looking for advice to help, you are doing all you can to make things like this easier for her x

  • in reply to RelentlesslyPurple

    Hi

    Thank you, I think next year I will try the staggered approach, she socialised with so many people yesterday. We are going to do the cake today and we won’t sing happy birthday if she doesn’t want us to. Thank you for your support it’s so hard to know what to do for the best at times. I only signed up to this site early hours this morning and already I feel better with the support and to know that it’s ok and that we aren’t the only ones going through this. 
    xx

Reply
  • in reply to RelentlesslyPurple

    Hi

    Thank you, I think next year I will try the staggered approach, she socialised with so many people yesterday. We are going to do the cake today and we won’t sing happy birthday if she doesn’t want us to. Thank you for your support it’s so hard to know what to do for the best at times. I only signed up to this site early hours this morning and already I feel better with the support and to know that it’s ok and that we aren’t the only ones going through this. 
    xx

Children
  • in reply to Relli

    I struggle with socialising myself (I think I may also be autistic) so in some situations I can understand a meltdown but others I have no idea what could be a trigger, there's definitely lots of learning to be done for any family. I've mostly been reading posts on here for a few weeks since I joined but it does seem like a lovely, supportive site! Xx