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Working parent high care needs

With-a-Y

I have been working full time from home in a fairly demanding and responsible job. My 12 year old son has not been in mainstream school as his anxiety about school is really high. My request for EHC plan assessment has been refused and now CAMHS have discharged him following his assessment and I’m waiting to find out the reason. School say he needs CAMHS advice and CAMHS state school need to make a plan and to go for an EHC plan.  I feel like my son is getting zero professional support and am very stressed and tearful. Has anyone else had to give up working since diagnosis because of similar lack of support and increased care needs. 

Parents

  • Hi. 
    I understand your position, I have a demanding job too, but fortunately my daughter is still in school. Would he consider 'working' from home in parallel with you so he can continue his education and allow you to work? Is your work supportive? Can they temporarily reduce your hours / workload or even allow you to take a career break or extended leave?
    Did you get any feedback on why the EHCP Assessment was refused? Did you appeal? We are lucky to have an excellent SENDCo at our school. When our EHCP Assessment was refused she spoke to the LA who confirmed it was refused as the local Autism Specialist had not yet done an observation in school - obviously this was because of Covid and she wasn't allowed in the school but they wouldn't budge on the issue. She has since been in and the EHCP Request has gone back into the system. Do you have a diagnosis? I was under the impression that if you had a diagnosis an EHCP Assessment should be done as a matter of course? (We don't have a diagnosis yet, which was why the Specialist had to do the observation). I'm so sorry for all of the questions.  I do hope you can get some support, for both you and your son. 

  • in reply to MonkeyElliot

    He does have a diagnosis yes. He is doing a little amount of work only through a private tuition I organise as school have not put anything in place. It is a battle each day to get this small amount of work done. When I suggest doing more, going out, reading anything really he is very unhappy and often says he hates life and wants to die.  I am so devastated that CAMHs won’t help, the EHC plan was refused because the local authority said CAMHs could advise school which will not be happening if my son has been discharged by CAMHs.  I am appealing. To be honest I am so upset by it all I was signed off work by my doctor yesterday. I can’t see a solution coming soon, my sons situation has affected my mental health so much. I don’t know where else to turn.

  • in reply to With-a-Y

    Does he still have his school place, as I am sure they have a duty of care to provide work for him if he is still registered? 

    I absolutely feel for you. My daughter is only at primary school but trying to get her to do any school work during the lockdown was an absolute drama, it caused so much stress and anxiety in the household, I cannot imagine how much harder it would be at secondary level. 

    My daughter has recently seen CAMHS for her anxiety, self harm and talking about suicide. I have to say, in our area they were great, but I hear lots of mixed reports across the country. My sister put me in touch with a group on Facebook, many of whom have much more experience of this kind of thing and may be able to offer you better advice - CAMHS and Mental Health Services Support Group for Parents. Everyone is generally very kind and knowledgeable. 

    I do hope you can get some support, from school, CAMHS and via an EHCP. And try to take care of you too - though I know how hard it is to even find time to do that! 

Reply
  • in reply to With-a-Y

    Does he still have his school place, as I am sure they have a duty of care to provide work for him if he is still registered? 

    I absolutely feel for you. My daughter is only at primary school but trying to get her to do any school work during the lockdown was an absolute drama, it caused so much stress and anxiety in the household, I cannot imagine how much harder it would be at secondary level. 

    My daughter has recently seen CAMHS for her anxiety, self harm and talking about suicide. I have to say, in our area they were great, but I hear lots of mixed reports across the country. My sister put me in touch with a group on Facebook, many of whom have much more experience of this kind of thing and may be able to offer you better advice - CAMHS and Mental Health Services Support Group for Parents. Everyone is generally very kind and knowledgeable. 

    I do hope you can get some support, from school, CAMHS and via an EHCP. And try to take care of you too - though I know how hard it is to even find time to do that! 

Children
  • in reply to MonkeyElliot

    School are being slow in providing help and not really recognising my sons masking so seem to think he is fine even though his attendance is so impacted. CAMHS keep signposting him to other services which have been tried and not changed his mood or are not even available in our area. I think because the school have not applied for the EHCP they are not supporting enough and making us a lone voice.schoolsay,they are sorting online tuition that was 4 weeks ago and still not set up. I will have a look at the Facebook group you recommend now as I am very much in need of support I am cracking up as I feel so powerless, ineffective and unsupported. Thank you for taking time to listen and reply.