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Being passed between GP and School. Son not coping.

NAS73239

Hi all, 

this is my first post, I’m so desperate for some support and help.  GP and school are saying the other should refer. 

my son is 11 in yr7, he is quiet in school, likes to be alone, no participation in class discussions, can’t ask for help. Major social anxiety.

at home meltdowns happen daily, sibling fights, withdrawal, banging and slamming doors, crying and sobbing, aw key issues with bathing, eating, clothes etc. 

Ive been asking for help for years, because he’s quiet at school and academically able it’s easy to overlook, they have acknowledged lots of issues but still lack of support. 

I’m not coping and getting to the point I feel suicidal. 

how can I get help for him? Any advice appreciated, thank you 

Elaine 

  • Hi we had similar issues when my son was younger and at primary school, the school however referred us to a family social worker who helped us out no end. try looking into whether the school can refer you to someone like this, i'm afraid with such things its all down to funding.

    The GP will be able to refer you although some are quite useless, ours was too, the family social worker helped us fill out forms from the GP as they were that useless they couldn't do it.

    There is help out there but you really have to push for it, my wife basically went shouting and screaming into the school before we got any help.

    It is very tough and i feel for you from past experience. In our case things have gotten a lot better as he has grown up and come to understand how he feels etc

    We had always allowed him days off school when he was at his worst, even some periods he would have a week off at a time to help him get through it.

  • I feel more than a bit concerned for you here too. Have you support for yourself?

  • Hello NAS73239,

    I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling to get a referral. Please go to this link https://www.autism.org.uk/directory

    and type 'diagnostic services' in the search box and the UK area in the next box. You might be able to find help near you.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Karin Mod

  • in reply to NAS73248

    Hello NAS73248,

    I'm sorry to hear that your daughter finds going to school unbearable. The NAS website has a page about school attendance problems which might be useful to you.

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education/attendance-problems/parents

    All the best,

    Karin Mod

  • I’ve joined today with similar issues. My girl is 10 and school is such a horrific experience for her. She just wants to stay home with me. It’s like separation anxiety and fear of school. She’s upset, retching, crying then onto throwing, yelling etc. 

  • Hi Elaine, sorry to hear about your situation. As a mother of a similar aged boy with similar issues, I can relate to your post.  Caring for autistic children does take it's toll. In fact I was reading a paper about the sadness mothers of autistic children experience. I do feel depressed or rather helpless many days.  The fact that we cannot help our bright kids lead a normal life can feel very draining.

     Does your child have a formal diagnosis of ASD?  I'm surprised that the school and GP are refusing to refer your son to Child mental health services.  You can make self referral too. Please do search for local mental health services online and make a self referral. It does take 16 to 18 weeks to see a psychologist, but they do offer support quicker if the child is self harming or hurting siblings. It may also be worth calling social services to see if they can do an assessment for you as a carer.  Also keep emailing the school SENCO about your son's behaviour at home and how he if finding school life hard.  GPs can be quite stubborn when it comes to referrals, but if keep persisting.

    I think the reason why they call it the spectrum is because  one child's autistic symptoms may be so different to another's. However, there are some things which help most high functioning autistic kids such as online gaming, exercise and working on their intense interests.  We have an indoor rebounder (trampoline) which helps with the movement and let off steam.

    My son loves playing Roblox. We let him play first thing in the morning; it gives him instant gratification.  Mindfulness also helps with some kids. 

    Please also refer yourself to talk therapy if you are feeling so down. You can search online. Most areas offer talk therapy. It's over the phone I think.  Bringing up autistic kids can feel very isolating.  Not everyone understands the condition.

    Please do look after yourself; we need to be strong for the sake of our very vulnerable kids.

    Nicki