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All the signs are there but spouse won't accept it

George13

Hi all,

I'm the dad of a 30month old boy that shows most of the typical autism signs:

  • Delayed speech (still no words)
  • No pointing/showing
  • Doesn't respond to name
  • Very difficult to make eye contact
  • Hand flapping
  • Very rare laughing.

I am convinced that the little one has ASD and that we need to address the issue as soon as possible. My wife however disagrees.

She claims that i am exaggerating and that "it just takes time". After all, her nephews were late speakers as well, and they turned out fine. We use 2 languages at home, so that makes thing difficult for him. He has no problem with changes in his routine or with loud noises/flashing lights, so he can't be autistic. 

I really wish she's right and its me that is the paranoid one. Maybe i let Google get to me and i read signs where they don't exist. But how can we know for sure if he's not screened? She's adamant though that it's not needed and every time i raise the subject we either get in a fight or she gets depressed.

I really don't know what to do here. As parents we should be a team but it feels like she's in denial and i'm fighting a losing battle here. Has anybody ever faced a similar problem?

Parents

  • I'm a linguist and have studied child language acquisition.  Bi-lingual children can be a little delayed in producing their first words, but usually then catch up quick.  Some neurotypical children say nothing for a couple of years, but skip the usual early stages of development and jump straight in with whole sentences later.  They understood but didn't feel like trying yet.  Your child should nonetheless be showing signs of language comprehension.  Passing you teddy if you ask for it, even if he can't or does not want to say "teddy" yet.  Will he do that?

    In your shoes, yes, I would want this checking out because of the absence of interaction - laughing, eye contact and the lack of pointing.

    Could it be that your other half is resistant because underneath she's scared there might be a problem?

    The other thing to get checked out is his hearing, of course.  

  • in reply to Dawn

    Sometimes he does do that, but only if i really (REALLY!) try, and repeat the request over and over over....

    He does seem to count (not "one-two-three", but rather "oua-tooo-tiii", but you can tell what he means), or say some letters and shapes (again in his own "language).

  • in reply to George13

    Bi-lingual or not, elective mute or not, I would expect some really good and habitual indicators of comprehension and attempts to communicate by other means by two and a half. 

    There are other possible explanations, and personally, I'd get them all checked out.  Can you have a chat with your health visitor on your own?  I've never raised an autistic child, but I'd have thought the professionals would want to eliminate other things; hearing, other developmental delays etc and at least put him on the radar for possible assessment for autism, if they haven't found another explanation.

    Actually, even though you are saying there don't appear to be sensory issues at present, I'd keep an eye out and take care anyway.  They can suddenly 'switch on'.  I'd eat anything until I went to school, it was after my first school lunch that most things that went in my mouth smelt or felt bad.  My sense of pain can be either very intense out of all proportion to the cause, or non-existent when I ought to be rolling on the floor in agony.

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  • in reply to George13

    Bi-lingual or not, elective mute or not, I would expect some really good and habitual indicators of comprehension and attempts to communicate by other means by two and a half. 

    There are other possible explanations, and personally, I'd get them all checked out.  Can you have a chat with your health visitor on your own?  I've never raised an autistic child, but I'd have thought the professionals would want to eliminate other things; hearing, other developmental delays etc and at least put him on the radar for possible assessment for autism, if they haven't found another explanation.

    Actually, even though you are saying there don't appear to be sensory issues at present, I'd keep an eye out and take care anyway.  They can suddenly 'switch on'.  I'd eat anything until I went to school, it was after my first school lunch that most things that went in my mouth smelt or felt bad.  My sense of pain can be either very intense out of all proportion to the cause, or non-existent when I ought to be rolling on the floor in agony.

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