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All the signs are there but spouse won't accept it

George13

Hi all,

I'm the dad of a 30month old boy that shows most of the typical autism signs:

  • Delayed speech (still no words)
  • No pointing/showing
  • Doesn't respond to name
  • Very difficult to make eye contact
  • Hand flapping
  • Very rare laughing.

I am convinced that the little one has ASD and that we need to address the issue as soon as possible. My wife however disagrees.

She claims that i am exaggerating and that "it just takes time". After all, her nephews were late speakers as well, and they turned out fine. We use 2 languages at home, so that makes thing difficult for him. He has no problem with changes in his routine or with loud noises/flashing lights, so he can't be autistic. 

I really wish she's right and its me that is the paranoid one. Maybe i let Google get to me and i read signs where they don't exist. But how can we know for sure if he's not screened? She's adamant though that it's not needed and every time i raise the subject we either get in a fight or she gets depressed.

I really don't know what to do here. As parents we should be a team but it feels like she's in denial and i'm fighting a losing battle here. Has anybody ever faced a similar problem?

Parents

  • At just 30 months old he's still very young for a diagnosis, if he is autistic. Being a boy he has an advantage, as they get diagnosed earlier (and far more easily, usually) than girls, but it's still difficult at such a young age. Much of what you're describe could be attributed to other things, so until he's a bit older and there's more to go on, you might struggle to get a diagnosis. It's a bit of a lottery, to be honest. We struggled for years to get help for my granddaughter who we knew was autistic, but it wasn't until the age of 9 that she was finally diagnosed. At age 3, CAMHS told us she was too young to diagnose, and to come back when she was 5. I agree that the sooner the diagnosis, the better, so you could always try. Does your son attend a nursery or child care of any description? If so you could speak to someone there to see if they've noticed anything. And there's nothing to stop you going to see your GP on your own to get his advice and guidance. Getting your wife to accept that he may be autistic is a whole other problem but I'd see what the next step would be before trying to tackle that one!

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  • At just 30 months old he's still very young for a diagnosis, if he is autistic. Being a boy he has an advantage, as they get diagnosed earlier (and far more easily, usually) than girls, but it's still difficult at such a young age. Much of what you're describe could be attributed to other things, so until he's a bit older and there's more to go on, you might struggle to get a diagnosis. It's a bit of a lottery, to be honest. We struggled for years to get help for my granddaughter who we knew was autistic, but it wasn't until the age of 9 that she was finally diagnosed. At age 3, CAMHS told us she was too young to diagnose, and to come back when she was 5. I agree that the sooner the diagnosis, the better, so you could always try. Does your son attend a nursery or child care of any description? If so you could speak to someone there to see if they've noticed anything. And there's nothing to stop you going to see your GP on your own to get his advice and guidance. Getting your wife to accept that he may be autistic is a whole other problem but I'd see what the next step would be before trying to tackle that one!

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