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All the signs are there but spouse won't accept it

George13

Hi all,

I'm the dad of a 30month old boy that shows most of the typical autism signs:

  • Delayed speech (still no words)
  • No pointing/showing
  • Doesn't respond to name
  • Very difficult to make eye contact
  • Hand flapping
  • Very rare laughing.

I am convinced that the little one has ASD and that we need to address the issue as soon as possible. My wife however disagrees.

She claims that i am exaggerating and that "it just takes time". After all, her nephews were late speakers as well, and they turned out fine. We use 2 languages at home, so that makes thing difficult for him. He has no problem with changes in his routine or with loud noises/flashing lights, so he can't be autistic. 

I really wish she's right and its me that is the paranoid one. Maybe i let Google get to me and i read signs where they don't exist. But how can we know for sure if he's not screened? She's adamant though that it's not needed and every time i raise the subject we either get in a fight or she gets depressed.

I really don't know what to do here. As parents we should be a team but it feels like she's in denial and i'm fighting a losing battle here. Has anybody ever faced a similar problem?

Parents

  • From what you've described it does seem like denial like you said, I'm 22 I don't have kids but I do know that I wish someone picked up on my autism when I was young, I wouldn't have had such a hard time growing up, that might be worth explaining to her.

    Also don't worry if he is autistic he's just different and might need help with certain things that won't come naturally like how they would for you or your wife.

    Has there ever been a case of someone with autism/ADHD/ Bipolar in your family or hers? That can be a very good indicator because it is something that gets passed down genetically.

    He is still very young so the impact on his life won't be high yet but has he gets older if he doesn't get the help he may need it won't be given to him if he doesn't get assessed and diagnosed.

    You could ask the primary school he goes (or will get into when he's old enough) to keep an eye on him as that's where he'll be spending most of his time and that might open your wife's eyes more as it's not coming from you and coming from professionals in child care so to speak.

    Rather than just telling her that YOU think he might be autistic maybe you could encourage her to look into it her self and do her own research that again will open her eyes more than anyone forcing their own opinion upon her if you know what I mean.

    Hope that helps,

    O.

    Edit: Those traits you described are early signs.

Reply

  • From what you've described it does seem like denial like you said, I'm 22 I don't have kids but I do know that I wish someone picked up on my autism when I was young, I wouldn't have had such a hard time growing up, that might be worth explaining to her.

    Also don't worry if he is autistic he's just different and might need help with certain things that won't come naturally like how they would for you or your wife.

    Has there ever been a case of someone with autism/ADHD/ Bipolar in your family or hers? That can be a very good indicator because it is something that gets passed down genetically.

    He is still very young so the impact on his life won't be high yet but has he gets older if he doesn't get the help he may need it won't be given to him if he doesn't get assessed and diagnosed.

    You could ask the primary school he goes (or will get into when he's old enough) to keep an eye on him as that's where he'll be spending most of his time and that might open your wife's eyes more as it's not coming from you and coming from professionals in child care so to speak.

    Rather than just telling her that YOU think he might be autistic maybe you could encourage her to look into it her self and do her own research that again will open her eyes more than anyone forcing their own opinion upon her if you know what I mean.

    Hope that helps,

    O.

    Edit: Those traits you described are early signs.

Children
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