Can't see the wood for the trees

I am after some advice please.

My husband has OCD and a strong family history of it.  We have three teenagers - 18yo son who was diagnosed with OCD and aspergers at 8yo.  17yo daughter who always presented very neuro-typical but developed (?) OCD at 15 and was diagnosed.  In hindsight all the signs were there, but as the Psychiatrist said, I am surrounded by so much OCD and aspergers I can't always see the signs...!

My 14yo daughter has always been quirky.  She has often done some strange things - attached to funny objects like orange peel, didn't utter a word until she was two, very immature and socially anxious.  However, she's very popular, very intelligent and very well-behaved. She doesn't like loud noises, can't talk to strangers (ordering food in a restaurant or if we have visitors etc), gets very stressed about things being perfect,  Around 2 years ago she started having friendship problems and I was assured (I worked at her school) that she was never the instigator but that girls just "went off" her.  She can be intense and two parents of friends have told me she is strange.  Over the past two years she has steadily declined with no motivation at school, low mood, self-harming to quite a severe level, restricting diet and not eating and now intrusive thoughts.  First assessment at CAMHS confirmed informally that she certainly appears to have OCD and likely to have ASD although without more formal assessment of course they can't be sure.  Reading more about it I have realised all the things that were staring me in the face but just hadn't thought about.

I don't want a diagnosis for diagnosis sake, but feel that maybe i should pursue it so that she can understand herself.  She's deeply unhappy and wants to just give up on everything.  Stupidly, I worry that I will appear like a munchausen's mum and projecting things on to her. What's the expression - one child with mental health problems is unlucky....but three???!

Having said that, the more i think about it and the more i look at her and the past 14 years, all the signs are there.

Feeling very sad and would love some advice.

  • Yes you are right.  I was very upset.  She certainly does have character and personality and is quirky but I've always been proud of her.  She was at a very academically demanding school and so I recently moved her to a mainstream school which places emphasis on mental health and more relaxed to take some pressure off her.  One of her old school friends recorded another girl saying "no I don't speak to her (my daughter) anymore and my dad always said she was strange".  Then sent it to her, so yes she did hear it.  This family were friends of ours and our daughters had been friends since preschool so we were all very hurt.

    we could start a whole thread on stupid things said like the classic "oh he doesn't look autistic?" Rolling eyes

  • This definitely like ASD, I recommend trying to get a diagnosis for her as it could be a huge help to not just her, but also you. Also those parents who called her strange are so rude and need to be told that, as a person who was called ‘strange’ my whole life I can say how much it hurts and makes me want to suppress myself, I hope you’re daughter didn’t listen to them and stays being herself for her own sake.