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Newbie - parent of a 21-year old Advice needed

NAS73067

Hi. I don't know if this is the right place for this (and excuse me if I get terms wrong). My 21-year old son doesn't have a diagnosis, but he seems to exhibit many of the 'symptoms' associated with autism. He is very bright but underachieved all through school, I tried to get him help but I think because he was doing 'OK' and didn't cause trouble he wasn't a priority. He managed a bit better at college - as he did a practical course which seemed to suit him better. He has struggled to keep a job though. Most recently he lost a job that he hadn't been in long and enjoyed. He really struggled to understand what he had done wrong, although one of the comments made was he didn't look like he wanted to be there.
I don't really know what to do now. I am torn between thinking that maybe I am pathologising something that is 'just his personality' and that I am letting him down by not getting him more help. But he's an adult now and I don't know how I can get him help. It's very difficult to get him to know what's going on his head.

Parents

  • Does he think he may be autistic? 

    He could speak to his GP about assessment or he may be able to self refer straight to the adult autism team - this is an option in my area. 

    I can relate to the point about looking like he didn't want to be there. Sometimes when I meet people in a group environment I can apparently look like I don't want to be there. I'm just not a great group person and my enthusiasm doesn't show unless I'm talking 1:1 with people. 

  • in reply to M

    We've chatted about this, and his answer is 'what difference would it make' if he was diagnosed as autistic. I'm interested in finding out how people diagnosed when older feel. Did they think they were autistic or were they just 'struggling'

  • in reply to NAS73067

    I'm recently diagnosed at 32. Like your son, I underachieved through my GCSEs and A levels. I went to uni through a less conventional summer school route to compensate for the A level results. I did OK at uni and got a 2.1. Had I been able to recognise my needs at an autistic person then perhaps I'd have been able to do better, who knows. I think there are pros and cons to a diagnosis. For me, I have been labelled with an anxiety disorder for years but it never really seemed to make sense to me as I'm not anxious about everything and a lot of the things I do become anxious about are trivial things. The things I'm responsible for that are genuinely stressful don't tend to worry me as much. For example, I become anxious with driving and making phone calls, both ordinary day to day activities in a lot of jobs including mine, but I was responsible for a lot of risk as a social worker (I've recently changed jobs) and that didn't tend to worry me much. It never made sense to me until I realised it may be due to being autistic. I was diagnosed last month and whilst I'm still anxious, I now see it in a different light and I suppose my responses are changing. I'm more self-awareness of why these seemingly trivial things may make me anxious and I can better prepare for them now, which lessens the anxiety responses. 

    I suppose autism carries a lot of stigma because of lack of awareness of the full spectrum. A lot of people still think of autism as either learning disability or super intelligence. The middle ground is a bit less appreciated in my view. I'm intelligent but by no means a genius, so I suppose I'm more aware of the "but you don't SEEM autistic" reaction if that makes sense. I would still rather know for definite but that is just me. 

  • in reply to M

    Thanks Michelle, that is really helpful. 

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