Low mood and stressed

Amazing, thank you so much for your reply, it helped me get a better understanding. New issues arrive everyday so I'm trying to understand her more day by day. 

ParentingAutism,

Sorry to hear this, but don't be sorry for seeking help and support, it's not easy to find these days. If your daughter doesn't go to the bench you mentioned it could have a connection to that, she seemed very interested in it and a special interest is part of an autistic person's wellbeing, it can help them tune the environment out when it's too overwhelming.

Concerning anxiety, this is very common in people on The Autism Spectrum. In an autistic mind there's greater variation in the occipital lobes at the back of the brain that PhD. Thomas Armstrong says makes the mind work in a systematic way. This does explain things like the preference for routines and uncomfortable with changes, the autistic people I've listened to say when following a routine they feel much less anxiety.

Concerning depression, this is also very common in autistic people. The most common type of depression is most likely "Situational Depression". When an individual is not able to adapt to the present circumstances it causes the depression (like people struggle to adapt to the loss of a loved one, redundancy etc.. Since so many autistic people are uncomfortable with changes they can struggle to adapt to new circumstances. Psychological studies show that depressed people have a more realistic evaluation of events. A good way to help with depression is gratitude, you could ask your daughter a couple of times a day to tell you something she's grateful for.

Have you spoken to her about the extension? Might be worth just hearing what she thinks about it you can get a better understanding.

If she likes spending time with relatives that might be a good idea so she won’t get too distracted and upset with the construction or maybe after school clubs? She might find something interesting there and that might give her some more time in school.

What can I do about the extension because it's a big one and it's starting real soon. 

Thank you,

You're welcome just keep at it and look for and use everything you can. :)

Thank you O, School works with her so she can have a better understanding of herself because she will not see anyone else. I am doing an online autism course to understand her better which is helping myself a lot and I do speak to other people who are helpful. Thank you, you are helpful. 

Thank you, this is helpful. The school does help her understand her autism and give her some of her favourite things to do, like word searches when she's feeling it. She does like to do cycling in her free time, getting ready for races but she's been very where round us and is getting bored of it so hopefully going to find some new routes.

Hi ParentingAutism,

You're not bothering me, I've been keeping a small eye on your posts I don't like to respond to things unless I feel like my words will have some kind of positive affect. Or at the very least help people think in a different way.

If you don't already it seems to me that speaking to therapist for your self will be good. I don't want to come off as too blunt but in what I will say but in order to look after your daughter as "optimally" as you possibly can you can need to make sure that are healthy too in order to do that.

Also it seems like maybe your daughter might benefit from a therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist that maybe specialises in working with autistic people.

Just keep persevering and and working at it eventually you'll make a step in the direction that you want to head in and then you build from that.

O

This isn't autism-specific but we have found the Hand in Hand parenting tools really helpful with our kids (the older of whom is definitely highly sensitive and may be on the spectrum but we haven't gone down that route yet as she seems OK "enough" at the moment). There is a UK instructor who has at least one child with autism who has found the tools really helpful. https://www.handinhandparenting.org/instructor/emilie-leeks/ There are also lots of other articles on the website that may be worth a look (I think after you've looked at a few articles you need to set up a free login. There are also paid courses etc available through the site and trained instructors.)

All that said, it sounds like your daughter is really struggling with overwhelm. What are things she finds calming/regulating? One of the Hand in Hand tools is something called special time, where you give your child a definined amount of time (we do 10 minutes a day) where we let them take the lead as completely as we can, and delight in them. If you have the emotional resources yourself, I would start trying to build in some specific activities which might help her regulate and some special time. The other thing I've learned from Hand in Hand is that meltdowns aren't necessarily bad in themselves - they're our kids' nervous systems getting rid of all the yuckiness that they've accumulated. Obviously a kid with autism accumulates more stress than a NT kid would at school etc so it's not necessarily completely surprising that she's needing to meltdown. But if we were brought up in ways that didn't tolerate meltdowns then that can be really hard for us to hold space for their feelings and be OK listening to all that!

Is the school able to offer support?

I'm sorry your beloved daughter is struggling so much. It sounds really hard, and I hope you are able to find some tools & resources to help.

I'm losing the will to live. Any advice/opinions are extremely appreciated. I want her to be happy but she's constantly telling herself off and comparing herself to her sister who can do well in school and be 'normal'. She hates herself at the moment. I'm so sorry for bothering you with my problems but we really need some help.