Help with mainstream schools?

Has your son been given any 1:1 support at all in school? If not, you may need to ask about a statutory assessment of needs towards getting a statement and some extra support.

When my son started nursery it was such an upsetting time, he was branded "naughty" by other children and described as "violent" by his first teacher - he was so bewildered by the noise levels, activity and amount of children in his classroom that he couldn't cope and lashed out a lot. What made the difference was that the school applied for early years funding called TIS funding (not sure if this is applicable to every LA or what it stands for, sorry) to get support for him which he got 3 mornings per week. They followed this up with a statutory assessment which I fully supported and he now has 1:1 support in all his lessons. This nurturing from a named person, from the very outset, has really helped him cope: within days of receiving 1:1 support he was much calmer, no longer lashing out, and a happier child in himself at home too - because that adult designated to him helped him make sense of the situation and was on hand whenever he needed help or removing from the busy classroom for a time out.

One technique that really helped him, which could be carried out by a teacher or TA in the meanwhile if there's no 1:1 support at present, was having laminated cards with simple pictures of activities, which were presented to him 10 mins, then 5 mins, then 1 min before a change of activity, because changing from one lesson or setting to another previously caused him great distress. Communication between home and school has also been really important, we have a home/school book that passes between us each day. This is because my son cannot always communicate things for himself. I have been told on some afternoons that he was in a bad mood/narky only to find looking in his lunch box that he has barely eaten or drunk anything; other times I have been told he felt feverish or seemed lethargic, only to find that he has been left in his school jumper on a really hot afternoon, simply because he doesn't have the level of awareness to tell somebody he is hot and he isn't yet able to remove his jumper independently. Whenever I have picked up on little things like that they have been very good at checking for those things if he acts out of character. The child also gets to know that school staff know everything that's going on at home and vice versa; if my son wants praise/rewards from me then he knows he must behave as well as he can at school - specifically not lashing out at other children or saying "no" to staff - or I won't allow him his usual treats.

You could request to make an appointment with your child's next teacher early in the autumn term to discuss your concerns, present them with whatever information other specialists have given you, and any ideas you may have for helping your son; speaking as a teacher, there ARE many teachers out there who genuinely DO care about every child achieving their potential and who don't pre-judge and wait to make their own mind up about a child's character and behaviour once in their class. If this doesn't seem to make a difference, you then have grounds to request an appointment with the head. Another thing that can help is having another professional, such as a paediatrician, GP, speech therapist or counsellor, liaise with school on your behalf.

I really hope things work out for you and get better - I have been there and I know how it feels.

Has your son been given any 1:1 support at all in school? If not, you may need to ask about a statutory assessment of needs towards getting a statement and some extra support.

When my son started nursery it was such an upsetting time, he was branded "naughty" by other children and described as "violent" by his first teacher - he was so bewildered by the noise levels, activity and amount of children in his classroom that he couldn't cope and lashed out a lot. What made the difference was that the school applied for early years funding called TIS funding (not sure if this is applicable to every LA or what it stands for, sorry) to get support for him which he got 3 mornings per week. They followed this up with a statutory assessment which I fully supported and he now has 1:1 support in all his lessons. This nurturing from a named person, from the very outset, has really helped him cope: within days of receiving 1:1 support he was much calmer, no longer lashing out, and a happier child in himself at home too - because that adult designated to him helped him make sense of the situation and was on hand whenever he needed help or removing from the busy classroom for a time out.

One technique that really helped him, which could be carried out by a teacher or TA in the meanwhile if there's no 1:1 support at present, was having laminated cards with simple pictures of activities, which were presented to him 10 mins, then 5 mins, then 1 min before a change of activity, because changing from one lesson or setting to another previously caused him great distress. Communication between home and school has also been really important, we have a home/school book that passes between us each day. This is because my son cannot always communicate things for himself. I have been told on some afternoons that he was in a bad mood/narky only to find looking in his lunch box that he has barely eaten or drunk anything; other times I have been told he felt feverish or seemed lethargic, only to find that he has been left in his school jumper on a really hot afternoon, simply because he doesn't have the level of awareness to tell somebody he is hot and he isn't yet able to remove his jumper independently. Whenever I have picked up on little things like that they have been very good at checking for those things if he acts out of character. The child also gets to know that school staff know everything that's going on at home and vice versa; if my son wants praise/rewards from me then he knows he must behave as well as he can at school - specifically not lashing out at other children or saying "no" to staff - or I won't allow him his usual treats.

You could request to make an appointment with your child's next teacher early in the autumn term to discuss your concerns, present them with whatever information other specialists have given you, and any ideas you may have for helping your son; speaking as a teacher, there ARE many teachers out there who genuinely DO care about every child achieving their potential and who don't pre-judge and wait to make their own mind up about a child's character and behaviour once in their class. If this doesn't seem to make a difference, you then have grounds to request an appointment with the head. Another thing that can help is having another professional, such as a paediatrician, GP, speech therapist or counsellor, liaise with school on your behalf.

I really hope things work out for you and get better - I have been there and I know how it feels.