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Lost & alone

NAS72884

Hi,

ive just joined the community my 14yr old daughter does not have a diagnosis however the school do believe that there are traits that would indicate that she does.  However Ed psych has recommended not to pursue a diagnosis unless she is asking for it.  

im at a loss of what to do over the last 5 or 6 years she has really struggled and unfortunately this was made worse when her dad and I separated. Unfortunately she was also starting secondary school and we moved house the changes were too much for her and the impact was significant.  As my parents and I have started to identify triggers we have been able to avoid exacerbating difficult situations.  She has made significant progress but the biggest challenge I have is getting her to school, the school has been incredibly supportive but I’m feeling like I’m running out of things to try when she can’t go in.  Sometimes she will give me a reason but other times I get no communication from her at all and you can’t always be sure that what she says is actually what the the real angst.  Although I do have support I feel incredibly alone and don’t know where else to turn, I’ve offered all sorts of options for working with people but she won’t engage.  She has developed a positive relationship with her pupil support worker however she has been off sick and so she has been unable to see/speak to her which I believe is part of the current trigger to avoid school.

I don’t really know what I’m asking, I just need to share with people who might understand. 

Parents

  • I would 100% start the ball rolling for an assessment. How can your daughter ask for what she doesn't know? In an ideal world, going on my own experiences with 2 girls (now in their 20's) getting diagnosed after many years of being let down, at the ages of 11 & 18, I'd get her privately diagnosed ASAP. If I could turn the clock back, that's what I'd do. 

    What support are school giving? Has she been assessed for an EHCP? I find it really odd that an Ed Psych would suggest not going for a diagnosis. Even if your daughter is currently refusing to be assessed, which at the second attempt, my eldest was, (which caused such damage to her mental health) then I'd start saving & have the money put aside for a private diagnosis as soon as she is willing. 

    With girls the main issue, in my experience, is severe anxiety, so even if you don't pursue the diagnosis I would seek out support & treatment for this. It helped my eldest enormously when she went on meds for her anxiety. It was truly life-changing.

  • in reply to Trei

    Excuse my ignorance but what is a EHCP?  Over the last three years the has given her time once a week with, essentially a teacher to chat to, an 8 week course of a not quite CBT course and now the pupil support worker who has had a positive influence however since she has gone off sick E is finding it more and more difficult to attend school.  They also gave her a red card to leave class if she felt the need to but she is so worried about being different that she won’t use it.    The school did refer to CAMHS but by the time she got the appointment she was no longer willing to talk and because it was lockdown it was over the phone so it was easy for her to not engage.

    ive actually just been speaking to my Dad who has just said that maybe going down the private route is the way to go.  I appreciate you suggesting it. Thank you 

Reply
  • in reply to Trei

    Excuse my ignorance but what is a EHCP?  Over the last three years the has given her time once a week with, essentially a teacher to chat to, an 8 week course of a not quite CBT course and now the pupil support worker who has had a positive influence however since she has gone off sick E is finding it more and more difficult to attend school.  They also gave her a red card to leave class if she felt the need to but she is so worried about being different that she won’t use it.    The school did refer to CAMHS but by the time she got the appointment she was no longer willing to talk and because it was lockdown it was over the phone so it was easy for her to not engage.

    ive actually just been speaking to my Dad who has just said that maybe going down the private route is the way to go.  I appreciate you suggesting it. Thank you 

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