Lost & alone

Hi,

ive just joined the community my 14yr old daughter does not have a diagnosis however the school do believe that there are traits that would indicate that she does.  However Ed psych has recommended not to pursue a diagnosis unless she is asking for it.  

im at a loss of what to do over the last 5 or 6 years she has really struggled and unfortunately this was made worse when her dad and I separated. Unfortunately she was also starting secondary school and we moved house the changes were too much for her and the impact was significant.  As my parents and I have started to identify triggers we have been able to avoid exacerbating difficult situations.  She has made significant progress but the biggest challenge I have is getting her to school, the school has been incredibly supportive but I’m feeling like I’m running out of things to try when she can’t go in.  Sometimes she will give me a reason but other times I get no communication from her at all and you can’t always be sure that what she says is actually what the the real angst.  Although I do have support I feel incredibly alone and don’t know where else to turn, I’ve offered all sorts of options for working with people but she won’t engage.  She has developed a positive relationship with her pupil support worker however she has been off sick and so she has been unable to see/speak to her which I believe is part of the current trigger to avoid school.

I don’t really know what I’m asking, I just need to share with people who might understand. 

Parents
  • Hi, not much advice to be had from me I'm afraid - just sympathy. My son is 15, probably autistic, possibly ADHD, hates school (though he is very intelligent) and goes through phases of refusing to go to school. I have let him stay at home several times (especially after long periods away from school, such as holidays or lockdowns) and I try to be loving and patient and understanding at all times (with varying degrees of success). School is very supportive and understanding, but the last time they asked me to come and pick him up I refused - partly because I felt the reason he gave for wanting to be picked up was not genuine and partly because I just can't cope with this anymore. I'm also on my own (divorced), and studying for a uni degree. In the past I have gone through a lot of trouble to get him referred to CAMHS or other services, and then he wouldn't engage at all... And then another referral to a psychologist through a pediatrician.. Just when I had given up, he got another referral to CAMHS through school (his 3rd or 4th I think) and seems be a *little* bit more engaged with the process this time round. During lockdown he 'self-diagnosed'  as transgender and ADHD (influenced by internet groups) but I am not entirely convinced (not of transgender or ADHD in general, just in this specific case) and think his 'real' issue is autism. Oh, and mine probably too (undiagnosed). It does run in families...

Reply
  • Hi, not much advice to be had from me I'm afraid - just sympathy. My son is 15, probably autistic, possibly ADHD, hates school (though he is very intelligent) and goes through phases of refusing to go to school. I have let him stay at home several times (especially after long periods away from school, such as holidays or lockdowns) and I try to be loving and patient and understanding at all times (with varying degrees of success). School is very supportive and understanding, but the last time they asked me to come and pick him up I refused - partly because I felt the reason he gave for wanting to be picked up was not genuine and partly because I just can't cope with this anymore. I'm also on my own (divorced), and studying for a uni degree. In the past I have gone through a lot of trouble to get him referred to CAMHS or other services, and then he wouldn't engage at all... And then another referral to a psychologist through a pediatrician.. Just when I had given up, he got another referral to CAMHS through school (his 3rd or 4th I think) and seems be a *little* bit more engaged with the process this time round. During lockdown he 'self-diagnosed'  as transgender and ADHD (influenced by internet groups) but I am not entirely convinced (not of transgender or ADHD in general, just in this specific case) and think his 'real' issue is autism. Oh, and mine probably too (undiagnosed). It does run in families...

Children
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