School shoes

But the leaders would bring him in and look after him until he integrated - I would have thought he'd see that it takes all the stress away by letting the system work for him.

I started as an adult helper when my daughter started - just a little extra confidence for her if she got lost or confused - worked wonders.

I know all about Scouts as I am a Brownie leader myself, we have talked about this with him in the past and I am afraid it is not something that he has any interest in at all. He struggles with making friends and would not be happy going in to somewhere with people he doesn't know.

As a confidence booster, it might be worth getting him into Scouts - it's adult-supervised and controlled, activity-based social interaction - and they tend to be 'nice' kids.    It's great for building self-confidence.

I was an Explorer-Scout leader - 14-18 year-olds - they get to do all sorts of activities with lots of opportunity for learning personal skills.        It's also mixed these days so there's a lots of social skills to practice in a safe environment - and they're very accepting of any disability - we had autistic and visually impaired members.

We have in the past talked about these things, and he does understand how people put on a "face" sometimes to show off or be bullies at school.

His only interest outside of school is computer games to be honest, he has a VR headset and will spend his relaxation time playing on that. 

He is not good at wearing is heart on his sleeve at all, will barely talk to anyone, hides his feelings and generally feels very insecure. Thinks people are looking and judging him the whole time.

He's at the age where he's spotting the rapid change in the social games - do you chat to him to give him the inside track on how people will behave and change to try to fit in with different groups?     The manipulators, the bullies, what a real friends is, how to spot users etc.      Explain how insecure they all really are - you can almost compare to a group of primates - how all the power games work.

Around that age, I spotted that introvert + odd = target   but I also spotted extrovert + odd = person of interest.

I just wore my heart on my sleeve and was open about my model making and RC models and I attracted all the undiagnosed 'closet' aspies towards me - we got to use the art rooms to do modelling in the lunchtimes - way better than getting rained on outside. 

What are his special interests?    Can they equate to friends in real life?

and yes being in a corner sounds right, he has had all sorts of issues with his hair looking right etc and now his anxiety has turned to his shoes. He is quite particular about fitting in and looking the same as others.

Yes he does understand new shoes always feel different but on this occasion just can't seem to get past the issue. Last night he said they felt tight across the top at the base of the velcro,

He may be stuck in a corner - noticing what everyone else wears and wanting to be the same but not finding them at all comfortable.      Does he understand that new shoes always feel odd to start with but then loosen up with wear?

Can he identify what feels odd - is it laces, toecaps, heels or width or stiffness of the sole?

Hi, sorry I forgot to add in my son is 13, thanks will take a look

I don't know how old he is... I used to buy my son one pair of schools shoes and a pair of trainers per size as he grew. Since it's only one, I tired to buy something that were good for his feet. Have you tried Birkenstock or Camper? Both offer free returns/exchanges through the post if you order online. Birkenstock also make incredible insoles/footbeds, if in the end DM's or any other show will do with a comfy insole, which could be a less expensive route.