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ANY OTHER PARENT FEELING LIKE A RABBIT IN THE HEADLIGHTS!

NAS72695

So I have a son who is 15 years old. He has autism, asperges and hypermobility. He does have anxiety and doesn't like going out. He is almost 6ft and will have a meltdown if out in crowded places, noisy places or he's in a strange environment. He doesn't like the heat or smells either He is so bright but is really hating school, seems to be struggling there and even though he has an EHCP and the school assure me he's getting the help he's entitled to, I'm not too sure that he is. He still struggles, even in science and maths, which he is a total wizz at! He s getting marked down for not doing the working out in maths, but even though he gets the answers right, he mentally doesn't know HOW he got the answer and can't write it down. School peanalise him for this.... He used to want to be a geologist for years, all through primary school and at the beginning of high school, now he's in year 10 and doesn't know what he wants to do when he's older and says he doesn't want to do anything. He says he doesn't want to go college, doesn't want to go university and doesn't want a job! He constantly wants to go on his xbox and ipad, often is on them both, when I make him come off them he will just sit on the sofa and literally mithers and mithers about how long until he can go back on it. He will read every now and again but he has a set time that he will do that, which is morning and he reads for an hour at night.... I'm just really worried about his future. I feel like I've maybe made a mistake sending him to mainstream high school? There doesn't seem to be any support around me, no where to turn for advice, and I'm really worried about his future. 

  • in reply to NAS72695

    I understand, and it does make sense. Parents can tell these things. It may be that he's not very happy at school, neither was I, but in time happiness will return to him if he's given the space to reclaim it. You seem to be giving him that space and it's so good you're nourishing his interests like you are. Open Uni may be a better fit for him sometime in the future as it wouldn't involve physical classes at all, but he may also simply need a break from schooling after high school to find himself again.

    I promise it will be ok, you're doing your absolute best and he will be feeling that support. Make sure to look after yourself, too, as supporting a loved one through difficult times can be hard.

    Thank you for your kind words too! I wish you all the best as well :)

    • H Emmy,
    • Thank you SO much for your reply. I really hope this is the case for him and all I genuinely want for him is to be truly happy. High school has seemed to have drained him of what he wanted to do and he becomes frustrated much more now (maybe it's a hormone thing too) but he just doesn't seem as happy as he used to be (even though he's never been one to show much emotion, as a parent, I can just tell, if that makes sense)?
    • We've got him lots of books, games and bits and bobs and he always reads these and enjoys them. I've tried to talk to him about uni and open university and tried to explain its nothing like high school and it will be something he is interested in and not in huge classes like he is now. As for the geology around, I've hunted and hunted for things and can't find anything. There was one in Birmingham which we've been a few times, but we've been enough and he doesn't want to go again as he says he has seen it and he becomes anxious in surroundings with people. That's great that your at the open University, and I wish you all the best. :) 

  • Hi,

    First of all, please don't worry. You're doing wonderfully and it is so touching to see how much you care for your son.

    I'm an autistic adult, and when I was 15 I went through much of the same troubles in mainstream highschool. Like your son, I was bright academically, but struggled with the system of the school. At home, I also had escapist behaviours like video games, books, etc. When I left school I had no idea what I wanted to do and didn't want to go to uni or get a job. I took several years to figure out what I wanted to do (I'm 25 now!), and now I'm about to start a BA at the Open University so I can study part time at home. Just like it takes us a little longer to process things, it sometimes takes us a little while to find our place in the world.

    Before I went into high school I wanted to be an author. I forgot this during high school because the environment crushed it out of me. I couldn't even find the energy to read a book. But I remember now, and I have returned to my original dream. I think this will happen for your son, too. That inner geologist will still be in there. Could you perhaps do some research on nearby geology talks, buy him some books on it, maybe even video games, that sort of thing? Help him to rekindle his interest at home, where he is safe from the struggles of high school? There is no "right" path to his dreams, and life isn't always linear. He'll find where he's meant to be. Just do as you are doing, and be by his side, showing an interest in him.

    I hope this helps you a little. You really are doing great.

    Emmy