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OCD type rituals

Wilko

Hi,

My teenage son have been struggling of late with his anxiety, he has always from a young age done rituals when doing certain things, these aren't stimming but a sequence that he feels he has to do. They mainly occur when he is getting dressed, and at bedtimes, but can occur at other times depending on how he is feeling. He kind of has a period where his anxiety levels are at a plateau and relatively low, but over a period just tend to go up before he has a period of time with quite high anxiety before a big blow out and then tends to come back down again.

When he is on an upward spiral of anixety the rituals that he does become more regular and prolonged. For instance when getting dressed he may have 2 or 3 things he normally does, like lining up a seam with something else or he holds his hands in a certain position. When he is more stressed this can then increase to 4 or 5 things he does and so on.

The same with bed time he will line his pillow up with the wall, then adjust the position of were he is in the bed, then he may have to touch something in a certain way etc

We have tried to speak to him to try and see if there is a way we can help him to maybe break the cycle or to bring his tension down to reduce the number of things he does.

It just seems to be a cycle that gets him more stressed and continuing to add for things is just more things to get stressed about. He feels that he needs to do these 'rituals' before he can then just carry on life as normal.

Any ideas or suggestions on things to try would be great.

  • in reply to Karin Mod

    His sensory- processing gets heightened a lot more when he is anxious, his main issue is with clothing and textures and how they feel against his skin, he is very difficult to buy for due to this, at the moment he generally spends most of his time in comfy onesies or joggers.

  • Hello Wilko,

    I'm sorry to hear that your teenage son is struggling with anxiety. The NAS website has an article by Dr Jacqui Rodgers about anxiety in autistic people. Here is the link: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/anxiety-autism

    Also, if you type 'anxiety' in the NAS website search box, you'll find many articles about anxiety.

    Hope this helps. All the best,

    Karin Mod

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    We discuss with him a lot the cause of his anxiety, that is the most obvious thing to try and reduce, less anxiety, less need for him in his eyes to do these 'rituals'.

    Trying to get out of him what is causing the anxiety is like trying to get blood out of a stone, if i knew the exact cause I would do what ever I could to try to stop this. I am just trying to see if there are any other solutions in helping him with the need of spending what can be hours of his day doing this.

    I understand everyone has their own quirks, I do too but mine don't have such an impact on my daily life as his do. Seeing him get so upset that he can't do these rituals when he just adds more and more to the amount he does just compounds it.

  • in reply to FSCR

    Thanks for your response.

    Trying to get any referral from our local authority is a joke. It took years to get any help to even get a diagnosis when he was 8. We were basically told at every turn there was nothing they could do until our family support worker stepped in. She helped so much.

    We have been trying to get him to exercise more with me to de-stress and release those endorphins.

    He has been going to occupational therapy sessions but these don't seem to help as much as they used too, they do say that when they are going through their teens the sensory processing etc can become worse.

    I don't think being in and out of lockdown the past year has helped either.

    You are definitely right it is a case at the moment of trying to keep his anxiety down, he has his routines each day, we try to exercise, we have natural oil diffusers in his room to try and aid in sleep and calming down. 

    I just wondered if anyone had come across a better coping strategy.

  • As a parent, I'm a bit confused. I could be wrong, but why focus on the little things he does have control over and not try to help with the things he doesn't? I've been expected to teach my son to not try to control others, but redirect that focus and 'desire' to things he can nurture, care for, control. Like ironing his shirts every Sunday. Be presentable. Do small things of importance which make you feel a little better about this out of control society.

    I make my bed every morning. I line my pillows up to a precision. Happy or stressed. I have my own wee rituals regardless and I quite enjoy them. I've had ex's who've demanded I stop and I've resented them as taking away the small things I have - it makes me feel trapped. But these rituals serve a much larger purpose: they are a way of affirming doing my fair share to be responsible to myself and the world around. They are a forward-thinking sort of reward system. If I back the car in every night at ritual, in the morning it is with great ease I exit my drive. 

    If what I hear you say is that there are external sources creating anxiety in his life, why examine surface indulgences and mislabel them as 'cycles to break'? They have a function! :) 

    The cycles humans need to break involve very deep psychological exchanges - internally and with the external world/society. For instance, if I'm dismissed and disregarded my whole childhood, chances are I create ways to be dismissed and disregarded as an adult. This in turn, creates More Problems than need be. The cycle I need to break is to recognise what happened to me beyond my control, forgive the imperfect human and redesign how I interact with others, so life is more fluid, with less anxiety. Many individuals have learned about 'cycles' of behaviour from a friend or an opinion column, but psychologists have invented this concept for a reason. It's incredibly effective to understand the concept at it's intent.

    Should you be able to uproot the Cause of Anxiety and offer help or simply inquire how you can help, you will be the parent he feels the most safe and trustworthy around. 

  • Hello Wilko

    My seventeen year old daughter is exactly the same. We have not been able to lessen her OCD behaviours but have tried to lessen the anxiety instead which does in turn lessen her OCD. We can tell when she is extra anxious as like your son her OCD is much more pronounced. She did attend an 'Overcoming OCD 'course, which had no success at all as she said that it took so much effort to change her behaviours that she was too exhausted to do her school work. For the moment we are just letting it go and trying not to worry about it. We were told about the Michael Rutter Centre at the Maudsley Hospital that has an excellent reputation for treating OCD however you would need to get a referral from your local health authority. They do not take private patients. I guess that you may be able to find a private therapist who could help but we haven't gone down that path yet. Other people have told me that their OCD lessened as they got older. Sorry not to be more helpful. Good luck.