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HELP!!! DANGEROUS OBSESSIONS

ParentingAutism

Hi, I have recently realized my 15 y.o daughter keeps coming home with pins and staples from school. 

Earlier today she took money out her coat pockets as well as many staples and a few pins. I asked her where she got them from and she said from school. Apparently, she had been taking them from many display boards through out the school. She has been wandering a lot recently in school for many reasons. The other day a teacher had to take many staples and pins of her which she was playing with. 

This is a safety issue since she can hurt herself and others. She has mental health issues and has a history of self-harm in the past but luckily she has better coping methods. (I have checked for any scratches, marks or injuries and she doesn't appear to have any and she is a lot happier in herself overall). She is also in a PRU (Pupil Referral Unit) so there is the possibility of someone hurting her or hurting them. 

She comes home with them everyday but how can we stop this behaviour in school and to keep her safe? Any ideas or opinions? I'm so confused by her recent behaviours. Is it bad parenting? Any comments are appreciated. 

Thanks x

  • in reply to Lezenny

    Thanks, I have been telling her that actions have consequences but the root issues in school are because of sensory issues. She then doesn't know how to communicate that and behaves the way she does so instead of punishing her I try to tell her ways she can tell someone. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    An observation.  Trying to manage her issues is tiring you out.  At some point you may need to move on to pointing out to her the consequences of her actions and letting events prove you right.  Just point out to her how disruptive it is for teachers and other pupils and that she will get into trouble.  After that if she feels the need to continue then reality will give her feedback.  At times like this with my daughter I gave her lots of mini advice bites, but in the end started summarising it to a single warning.  Respect Reality.

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Thank you. I never thought of that. Any ideas on school since she's technically destroying the learning resources on the wall the pins and staples are on? Another problem is from earlier today. She went out with her younger sister (13 years), and she has an obsession or something about sticks and glass. She was apparently kicking beer bottles (or anything she could find) about (empty and full) which they found in a park. With the sticks she was apparently hitting the stick on trees and bins. I don't know how to stop this either. I don't need her to break anything or hurt anyone (she has a criminal record and been in trouble for damaging things and people). I don't think she realises how strong she is so I keep reminding her about being kind and how some actions can hurt. Any other ideas to help? 

  • I'm not an expert but I would immediately buy a massive cork board and hang it in the kitchen or living room and have her place them somewhere you aren't left out of this obsession. Don't allow anyone to touch it but her. She may grow bored of something you're helpful and inclusive about. Turn it into a project & make things, line the pins up by colour or create a collage. 

    I feel this way about literally everything with teens. Drugs, Sex, etc, and that is to create openness, inclusion. I've always invited my son to have open discussions and my only job is to make sure he's safe, knowledgeable, and to absolutely never get offended, but always be available as a sounding board to think through and confide in. I think I learned this from my grandparents - you could never offend them, their wisdom was superior. Now my father (their son), if you talked about suicide, he would give you a run down of ways to do it and calculate how messy or painful it would be, if you were lucky enough to manage - even having this as an open forum changed it's 'forbidden-ness'. 

    If she has a history with self-harm, having pins about won't matter if she can use a shard of glass. The important thing is to indulge minor obsessions until they're bored with them, or redirect them into something more healthy (if the obsession is illegal) like letting them paint the bedroom over and over or join a boxing club.