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First ASD assessment | Advice on how to tell my child

Mum of 11yo | Waiting diagnosis

I have just joined this page. I hope someone can advise me.

My son has his first ASD assessment at the beginning of April and I wondered how parents/carers spoke to their children about the assessment.

He is 11 years old, low self-esteem, very communicative at home and to anyone that meets him for a few hours may not realise he has some struggles. He hates assessments, hates to be singled out and is afraid of what is being said about him. He asks that I don't tell family members about him, not even his good news and would hate to know I had to complete a 'family story' that included much of his life. He will not want to go for the assessment, and has a keen sense of injustice at being assessed and asked questions. He also won't care how easy/hard it is.

I want to build trust, so talking to him about it far enough ahead is important. However, it may end up in him refusing to go and days of ear ache and bad moods.

Any ideas on where to start with him? Thank you for reading.

Parents

  • We told our son about the assessment yesterday and now he refuses to go and we can't actually make him at 11 years old. We haven't talked to him about ASD as I did think this may be too much at this stage where we don't have a diagnosis. He feels really hurt that I think he needs any kind of assessment, he says he understands himself and why can't everyone else (the teachers and I) just listen to his voice instead of experts who may only meet him for an hour (fair point). At this stage I think we're going to have to bail on the appointment having worked for years to get here.Disappointed

  • in reply to Mum of 11yo | Waiting diagnosis

    You may want to point out that you don't think HE needs an assessment, but that there are tools available for people who have gone through an assessment. Talk to him about why you want him to have access to those tools. Since you are planning to honor his decision about whether or not to get an assessment, make that clear to him: "We're not going to make you go, if that's your decision, but here is why you might want to..."

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  • in reply to Mum of 11yo | Waiting diagnosis

    You may want to point out that you don't think HE needs an assessment, but that there are tools available for people who have gone through an assessment. Talk to him about why you want him to have access to those tools. Since you are planning to honor his decision about whether or not to get an assessment, make that clear to him: "We're not going to make you go, if that's your decision, but here is why you might want to..."

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