Feeling frustrated for missing the obvious

Evening folks,

We have a beautiful 18 month old daughter D, at 12 months there was no waving, clapping, pointing or speech at all. Shes our 3rd child lockdown baby I gave her the benefit of the doubt and told myself at Christmas if things hadnt improved I'd seek advice. 

Christmas came and went and still nothing. She didn't get a 9-12 month check from a HV which i now regret chasing up but obsv6 homeschooling two others (onw of whom has Special needs but not ASD) was time consuming. And having a baby who kept herself amused, was honestly a godsend. 

I know this baby girl hasnt got hearing problems. She can hear me open chocolate a mile away. 

I have completed the ASQ for 18 months and MCHAT even though our LA don't use it. And she was so low on both. 

She attends nursery 4 days a week since Christmas and today they screened with Wellcomm and she scored 2 out of 20.

I am in a horrible weird stage of grief and devastation, i have done all this before fighting services for my son. Applying for EHCPS without support, getting him a place in a specialist setting. It was an absolute battle and I never thought id have to do it again. Yes his circumstances where different and he isnt ASD. But I instantly feel defensive and fight or flight. 

Because of Covid nobody has actually seen her face to face except nursery, who have honestly expressed their concerns. So I just feel like I am watching her every move and looking for ASD traits! 

My hearts a bit broken, my partner is ever the optimist and I want too be able to feel like this but my minds running away with what this will all mean for the rest of her life 

I think im looking for some reassurance that everything will be ok? Both HV ive spoke to have been amazing, nursery have too, we have a supportive family and I know we are lucky. Its just the unknown.......ive dealt with the battles of SEN. 

Thanks D X

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