• Replies 5 replies
  • Subscribers 69 subscribers
  • Views 1309 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Autism Empty nest

NAS72054

Hi, I’m new on here & really hope someone can offer some advice. My daughter received her ASD diagnosis at age 13 & as a single parent I had to navigate my way learning as I went. Her dad was never interested interested, even telling me he didn’t want to discuss autism but would look it up on the internet. 
At 16 she went to live with her dad who claims she no longer has any traits & is independent & ready for university life. She has been in contact with me less & less and today told me that she wants to cut all ties with me & doesn’t want me in her life anymore. Prior to this we were having a relaxed conversation, smiling & reminiscing, suddenly she switched to a complete lack of emotion to deliver the news, but left smiling again.

I am at a complete loss at what to do next. She has blocked all of my contact, removed herself from anyone associated with me & appears to think that because she has not seen people for over 12 months (due to COVID) it no longer matters if they are in her life or not. 
has anyone had any similar experiences or any advice. 

Parents

  • In my experience, almost all ASD kids keep a laundry list of any 'slights' they've measured in their lives - days, dates, times, what happened, what was said - and they let them fester for years until they have enough ammunition to flounce and blame everything bad in their world on one or both parents.

    It's almost always the mother blamed because they spend more time in contact with them growing up so more likelihood of them doing things they didn't like,.

    They absolutely do not measure any of the nice things you've done for them, trips away, days out, special presents, being there for them etc., they just keep the sh1t list.

    They often need to be told bluntly and harshly what an inconsiderate selfish pig they are and to point out what they're doing is small-minded and how selfish it is to be such a taker and to not acknowledge all of hard work and sacrifice of the parents to get them into a position where they feel entitled enough to be such a selfish pig.   

    They need to be reminded about all of the nice things all in one go to make them face the actual reality of their lives and that it wasn't just a collection of terrible experiences.

    I'm surprised at the father for not putting her straight.

    I'm sorry to say that what you're going through is not uncommon - their sh1t list is often what they claim to be the driver of them moving out.

    If she does do this - try to keep gentle contact via the father or e-mail - not ever prying into her life but just a couple of lines making sure she's ok and does she need anything - too many questions risks her cutting you off.    She might 'grow up' and realise what she's doing when she gets lonely enough - but don't count on it.

    It's a terrible situation to be in - I'm sorry I can't be more positive.   I wish you well.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Thank you for your reply, you have just exactly describe recent months. It is reassuring to know I am not the only one going through this. Unfortunately her dad has his own agenda so is not likely to set her straight.

    a couple of other people have tried to talk to her, but in a world of technology and lockdowns she just blocks their contacts & cuts them out of her life. She has blocked my number too so she does not receive any of my messages.

    I guess I just need to keep my fingers crossed she does OK.

    thank you for the support x

Reply
  • in reply to Plastic

    Thank you for your reply, you have just exactly describe recent months. It is reassuring to know I am not the only one going through this. Unfortunately her dad has his own agenda so is not likely to set her straight.

    a couple of other people have tried to talk to her, but in a world of technology and lockdowns she just blocks their contacts & cuts them out of her life. She has blocked my number too so she does not receive any of my messages.

    I guess I just need to keep my fingers crossed she does OK.

    thank you for the support x

Children
No Data