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Need help with being a better friend

NAS71984

I've recently had a situation come up where someone pointed out I was manipulating my friends and just over being a bad person. They also pointed out I use my autism as an excuse to be a shitty person. I dont want to be a shitty person tho. And I dont want to lose my friends bit I cant read emotions so this is difficult for me. I've apologized but I want to work on changing myself. What ater some ways of figuring out if what I'm doing is confisidered manipulative behavior? And what are some good first steps to changing how I treat others? I would really like to change for both myself and my friends. 

Parents

  • Without knowing you, it's an impossible question to answer.      Something I always try to do is measure balance - what do I give and what do I take - am I being fair or not?    Am I pressuring my friends to behave a certain way or am I the one being flexible around their needs or wants?    Am I being used?

    But I realise I'm doing from my frame of reference so is that realistic or not?        It's very hard to judge how people judge me.        I prefer to be a giver - but try not to be over-generous to make people feel beholden.  

    I have a friend with a helicopter - we go flying together to keep his mandatory hours up - it costs him over £500/hour to run the helicopter in maintenance and the fuel is on top of that!           I can't possibly afford to pay my share so wherever we fly to, I buy the lunch.       It feels hugely unfair but he keeps picking me up for flying  (I'm always available - most other people work in the weekdays) I'm self-loading cargo  Smiley

    Have you tried asking your friends how you come across to them?

Reply

  • Without knowing you, it's an impossible question to answer.      Something I always try to do is measure balance - what do I give and what do I take - am I being fair or not?    Am I pressuring my friends to behave a certain way or am I the one being flexible around their needs or wants?    Am I being used?

    But I realise I'm doing from my frame of reference so is that realistic or not?        It's very hard to judge how people judge me.        I prefer to be a giver - but try not to be over-generous to make people feel beholden.  

    I have a friend with a helicopter - we go flying together to keep his mandatory hours up - it costs him over £500/hour to run the helicopter in maintenance and the fuel is on top of that!           I can't possibly afford to pay my share so wherever we fly to, I buy the lunch.       It feels hugely unfair but he keeps picking me up for flying  (I'm always available - most other people work in the weekdays) I'm self-loading cargo  Smiley

    Have you tried asking your friends how you come across to them?

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