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Dealing with noise complaints

NAS71971

Hi,

Hoping some people might have a few ideas for me!

Long story short, moved into the property about a year ago now, had a bit of a rocky relationship with one of the next-door neighbours. Consistently complaining about my 4-year-old non-verbal autistic son. Almost universally pops around mid-meltdown, compounding the situation. Banging on the walls, complaints the landlord, estate agent, etc. Getting slightly long in the tooth.

It's gotten to the point where our noise subduing tactics, to avoid complaints from the neighbour, are encouraging poor behavior. A good example is, is when we say it's bedtime and he's on his tablet. This can on occasion, on taking the tablet away, trigger a meltdown (not all the time but 50/50). So in order to avoid this, if removing the tablet, we test the waters. And if it's likely to trigger a meltdown, we let off as each attempt will promptly trigger large amounts of screaming as he cannot comprehend why it's being taken off him. Much to the neighbour's furor. Subsequently, he's up to the early hours, and is exhausted the next day, which then gives us that wonderful merry-go-round of tiredness causing more meltdowns as he can't communicate his needs, which the neighbour has no idea he's compounding the situation (or frankly probably cares).

It's quite obvious why there is a problem, as the wife of the neighbour, is up at 12 am for work. So we can understand where they are coming from, where we used to live, there was an autistic child below us who would repeatedly belt the door, slam, and open it at 2 am. Know how it feels, but, having an Autistic child, I would never complain because I know how tough it is.

The main problem is, with the neighbour going 'this can't continue, this has to stop' a somewhat domineering tone of voice. We've been around and apologised, but frankly, we are out of ideas of what can offset a meltdown and just his general wailing, and noises he likes to make.

So this leaves us with a few options. Which is find a property in the middle of nowhere, or at least, detached, where he can run about and make as much noise as he likes. Although as it stands not much on the market we live, or spend some cash with a solicitor and let them deal with it.

General jist you can feel from their words is a push to force us to move out and go elsewhere, but, at the same time, he's a child with a disability and cannot help how he is. So feel somewhat annoyed at the position we find ourselves in.

Has anyone in the community had any experience with this and what remedies are available (if any)?

Thanks.

  • I will be very honest with you. You should not care about what they say. They have no idea how challenging it can be. Is it noisy?! Well guess how noisy it can be for you.

    THE PROBLEM IS NOT AUTISM AS A 'DISORDER’, NOT THE PERSON WHO LIVES WITH IT BUT THE PERSON WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT IT AND NOT WILLING TO ACCEPT. People can be horrible and selfish. You can change on your child’s routine or his behaviour because it’s beneficial for him not for someone else.
    We all have the right to have roof above our head. We all have the right to be different. 
    Be proud of your child. 
    Stand strong! 

    p.s when my neighbour came over with a similar complaint, my answer was to buy a running machine. My next one will be having a dog too. 

  • I sympathize with your situation. I moved into a local council flat with my 2 young non-verbal autistic sons and have had complaints from the neighbors below from the kids jumping up and down. After a few complaints, I've passed on all the council's details and asked them to complain to the council instead and to not come to my door again.

    I wrote the neighbours a short letter explaining the children's condition and how it can be difficult for me to control their behaviour. I've put extra padding on the floor, an indoor trampoline in one of their rooms (so there's no more banging on the floor) and done as much as I reasonably can. I wrote that I do sympathize with their situation but If they complain enough then the council will move us out faster. Of course, this suits me as I do want a move to a house rather than a flat but it may not suit your situation.

    Personally, I would try not to go down the route of doing anything that can trigger poor behaviour or late nights but I totally understand why you do that. Anyway, I'm still in the flat a few months later. The council haven't moved me yet, the neighbours haven't been back at my door but said the padding on the floor etc has helped a lot.

    Not sure if any of this can help you but wanted to share my experience of neighbours complaining. Best of luck.

  • its hard when they have a full meltdown or decide that at midnight its the right time to be drumming something.  your best bet is to  involve the council and there autism team, I would guess they are in touch with you anyway and let them deal with issues over noise and housing suitability(both council responsibilities). The challenge of course is burning off that energy and lockdown is making it really hard. 

  • I feel very sorry for you - it's not easy looking after an autistic child.

    Do you know what causes all these meltdowns?    What is happening that his world is so out of control all the time?   How does he expend all his pent-up energy in a useful way?    Does he do any exercise?    

    If you're appeasing him to quieten him, you need to think of a way around that so it doesn't make things difficult when he's bigger and stronger and more wilful.