Any parents have 2 children with autism?

Hello, this is my first post so please be kind! I have 2 girls aged 9 and 13 who are waiting to be assessed for autism. The 9 year old has always had difficulties with sleeping, making friends, social situations, tantrums after school. After what feels like years of asking for help she is finally waiting for an assessment. The 13 year old has come out of the blue; after what seemed a normal progression through to year 5 she started daydreaming, forgetting things and showing less interest in working at school. Then in year 6 she developed trichotillomania, a bombshell. Little by little she has removed almost all of her hair. Now in year 8 she is clearly struggling massively and I know lockdown has affected all children. She has no friends, she has started behaviours  I haven't seen in her since she was little, like hand flapping and obsessing about the littlest of things. But school have been such a help and she too is on an autism pathway now. But now I don't know whether to feel relief or despair. Both of my children are struggling with life. They both have different struggles and often clash horribly as they get so frustrated with each other. What one likes the other can't abide. I just wonder how other parents cope with 2 children who have such different needs? 

  • Thinking of you and your family. I'm waiting for a diagnosis of autism / ADHD / both / neither / something else and my husband was diagnosed with Aspergers as an adult. We've been married for 18 months and we're both still finding out about how to accommodate each others' needs.

  • Hi, thank you for taking the time to reply. I agree with you, its about learning to understand the world  through their eyes. It's so hard because its only recently we have realised how differently they see things to us, and how differently to each other. I feel like we have a mountain to climb.

  • It,s difficult ,i have 13 year old boy adhd  and a 14 year girl aspergers ,[and 2 others with different issues ]he is bouncy ,hyper ,strange noise ,explosive . She is ultra sensitive to noise , smell and touch.

    For me the main areas are space and reducing conflict, having there own room /area to retreat to is an necessity and enforcing it is a must . Its no good having a bedroom if someone is banging on the door for an hour .

    I suppose it is about explaining ,enforcing right  and wrong. just normal parenting ,get to really now them .

    We have 3 older children as well  one had tourettes ,so have done the school thing as well and found the stress of school very hard ,she would be in a right state and take it out on the others .But we had no control on what was happening there.

    So have tryed school ,but was going the same way so now home school for the last 8 years ,so we can control the environment that they grow up in ,this has enabled us to introduce things ,new ideas and people ,in a more stress free way 

    The plan is to do college /education as they are mature enough to cope with it. They are all very gifted.

    Thats the theory , life is not that easy , but sticking to what is best for them is paying off,they are happy and doing well .

    They had a fight the other day both stormed off to there rooms then ,2 mins later ,i went up and told them both they were in the wrong and they said sorry to each other and continued with there evening ,theses are rare events now.

    i think with asd children you have to understand how they are thinking and help them understand what is happening around them .

    It does help that i am autistic and my wife is not , i can relate to them with the reality check in her ,[not put very well ]but never been good with words.

    the other 2 are both girls 16 and 11 ,,hearing impaired and encephalocele,

    The 16 year old has just started at a specialist boarding school and after a shaky start is doing very well Fingers crossed.

    The older girl is 28 and has 2 degrees and is in along term relationship , they are just a bit different need a bit more support they can have a good life too ,just up to you to give a little more .