• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 65 subscribers
  • Views 1137 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

My son had a visit from someone from the Early Years Team - opinions?

Secto

My boy who is 4 has aspergers, he currently struggles socially and finds it difficult at his school. He's very intelligent for his age, his main interests are reading and learning. He fears going in to school and obssesses about seeing certain kids and panics every day and meltdowns after school. He has quite a lot of trouble paying attention and making / keeping friends. He gets picked on already.. he's also very easy to upset and sensitive.

I have a feeling it will just get worse as he gets older (it doesn't help that he's ginger either.. doh! :) There is a school just a few minutes away which is for children with asperger and asd's. I gave it a lot of thought and maybe this could be a good option for him.

I spoke to his school about it, who got in touch with 'The Early Years Team' and a lady came in and saw my boy for an hour to see how he was getting on. We had a chat afterwards, and she basically said:

She didn't think he has aspergers and not to be concerned and that he was a very nice and clever boy. Also one of the first things she said to me was the problem could be me and not actually him, and suggested maybe going to a Parents Group to get some advice on parenting..

I found this a bit offensive, and she decided all of this after being there for 1 hour and after talking to me for a few minutes. She mentioned my boy seems happy at school, which lead on to a conversation about me saying he's a lot different in different circumstances to how he is at home and to how he is being shy at school etc. She then claimed people with Aspergers act the same - whether they are at home or school. I found this very bizarre statement.

I'm a bit lost for what to do next? I was also a bit lost for words whilst speaking to this lady.


Any help would be really appreciated!

Thankyou!

Parents

  • I am assuming your child has a diagnosis, if so, who is the teacher to think she knows more than the doctors?  

    There is a lot of ignorance out there.  It is very common for children with aspergers to not display emotion in the same way as NT children.  Therefore, your child may in fact be distressed and unhappy at school without adults realizing it because they are expexcting him  to react in an NT way.  My child, for example, when crying, has no emotion on their face, makes no noise, and can only be noticed as crying when you see tears falling down their face.  Otherwise they will look exactly how they look the rest of the time.  The only way to know exactly how they are feeling is to ask them and that isn't foolproof as they aren't always sure how they are feeling.  And in primary this was a problem as because my child was very cognitivly able, many teachers could not get their head around how someone so clever could have problems with common sence kinds of things.  

    Just because a child isn't complaining to teachers, it does not mean that the other children teasing them is not effecting them, it can have a huge effect on their self esteem. The biggest problem with ASD children is that they will beleive the teasing that is said to them.  So if several children are saying they are fat for example, when they clearly are not, they will beleive the children.  If several children are telling them there is something wrong wth them, they will beleive them.  They will not question it or compain to a teacher, they will accept it as fact.  So it needs to be dealt with seriously.

    I would also like to add how very very very very vefry common it is for Aspergers children to act completely different at school than at home.  It is very common for them to be compliant at school and then come home and rage or withdraw completely to release the stress.

    Technically, ASD is a disability, and technically those with ASD are considered more vunerable.  Therefore, the school should be taking you concerns seriously.  So IF you do have the diagnosis, you are in a more powerful place to get help.  You could contact your counties educational psychology department and tell them the issues your child is having. Parental refferals are allowed. You could also ask the school exactly what reasonable adjustments they are making for your child.  You can ask what social help they are giving him, such as facial expression recognition, what is a friend, ......  You can point out that a disabled child (such as one with Aspergers who has a life long condition which does effect their every day life) does not need to be on the SEN register to qualify for reasonable adjustments as the disability legislation covers it.

Reply

  • I am assuming your child has a diagnosis, if so, who is the teacher to think she knows more than the doctors?  

    There is a lot of ignorance out there.  It is very common for children with aspergers to not display emotion in the same way as NT children.  Therefore, your child may in fact be distressed and unhappy at school without adults realizing it because they are expexcting him  to react in an NT way.  My child, for example, when crying, has no emotion on their face, makes no noise, and can only be noticed as crying when you see tears falling down their face.  Otherwise they will look exactly how they look the rest of the time.  The only way to know exactly how they are feeling is to ask them and that isn't foolproof as they aren't always sure how they are feeling.  And in primary this was a problem as because my child was very cognitivly able, many teachers could not get their head around how someone so clever could have problems with common sence kinds of things.  

    Just because a child isn't complaining to teachers, it does not mean that the other children teasing them is not effecting them, it can have a huge effect on their self esteem. The biggest problem with ASD children is that they will beleive the teasing that is said to them.  So if several children are saying they are fat for example, when they clearly are not, they will beleive the children.  If several children are telling them there is something wrong wth them, they will beleive them.  They will not question it or compain to a teacher, they will accept it as fact.  So it needs to be dealt with seriously.

    I would also like to add how very very very very vefry common it is for Aspergers children to act completely different at school than at home.  It is very common for them to be compliant at school and then come home and rage or withdraw completely to release the stress.

    Technically, ASD is a disability, and technically those with ASD are considered more vunerable.  Therefore, the school should be taking you concerns seriously.  So IF you do have the diagnosis, you are in a more powerful place to get help.  You could contact your counties educational psychology department and tell them the issues your child is having. Parental refferals are allowed. You could also ask the school exactly what reasonable adjustments they are making for your child.  You can ask what social help they are giving him, such as facial expression recognition, what is a friend, ......  You can point out that a disabled child (such as one with Aspergers who has a life long condition which does effect their every day life) does not need to be on the SEN register to qualify for reasonable adjustments as the disability legislation covers it.

Children
No Data