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Hating another child.

nicmhy

My son is 5 is in year 1 and has Aspergers. A new child recently started my sons class he is from another country and speaks another language.

In my sons words he 'hates' this boy he says he 'doesn't understand'. My sons teacher is very good and we chat twice a day. She tells me that my son won't stay away from the other boy. Last week he hit the boy in the playground.

He has become obsessed with hating this boy. He sees him as a real nemesis.

I have told my son to play with others instead but his teacher says he keeps approaching this one boy.

Any advise or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Nic.

  • The situation described by nicmhy is certainly perplexing, although at least in part the aspect of aspergers that leads to over-focus or obsession could explain the persistance of the problem.

    The cause may lie with the shared experience of difference. Having aspergers at 5 must be perceived as being treated differently, as different, but perhaps others can advise as to whether such perceptions of how one is viewed are as developed by 5. However the metaphor coined by Clare Sainsbury "martian in the playground" may sufficiently describe that self-perception.

    The other boy is from another country and speaks another language. However it would be interesting to know how that boy is treated on account of being different. I suspect that even at 5 the perception of the child with aspergers (from another planet) may be one of unfairness in the way he is treated relative to the boy from another country.

    That might then generate a strong feeling of injustice and the need to invoke that justice on the boy from another country.

    I'm just speculating, but felt the thread had moved away from the original issue and might deserve revisting.

  • It is the school's responsibility to ensure that your son has the support he needs both in and outside the classroom to manage the challenges presented by his autism.

    Clearly, the other child is a challenge that he cant currently handle.  The school needs to put measures in place to support your son with his disability.  Does your son have a statement of SEN?  If not, you might want to think about discussing this with the school.

    Zoe

  • This must be really hard for you.  It can be so frustrating as a Mum feeling you cannot do anything when it is all happening at school.

    Are you in contact with a Speech and Langauge Therapist? Some are specialists in social communication. They can do some amazing things with visual activities to overcome whatever your son is finding difficult about the situation.  They may even be able to advise you or his teacher of activities you could do if they are not free as we all know how precious their time is these days. 

    Just a thought. Good luck