Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I'm not sure where I'm going with this but l would like people opinions. Please be kind.
My daughter has just turned 6. Since l can remember we have always had issues getting her to sleep, she struggles to relax and switch off and becomes quite restless and agitated. As a result she sees bedtime as a negative thing. She is reluctant to sleep alone and wakes every night at least 3 times. On occasions she refuses to go back to bed resulting in meltdowns. Due to our own lack of sleep and mental health we do allow her to sleep in our room but not in our bed. She always starts off in her bed. We try our hardest to stick to a strict routine. Every night is a battle to get her to bed, some evenings go well some don't. This has been going on for years.
Her social skill are good as far as I'm aware and her speech is good. She struggles to play independently at home and always has to be within sight of us. She's quite demanding. For example she wouldn't go in the garden without us or play upstairs or go to the toilet alone. I've just had to go to the toilet with her. Our garden is safe with no other access other than our front door.
She struggles to follow instructions at home e.g getting dressed. She can get dressed but doesn't. Not sure if this is just her being difficult/lazy.
As far as l know she's doing ok at school, perhaps falling a bit behind with her writing. She's been at school since June.
The other thing we really struggle with is the meltdowns. She suffered bad as a toddler to the point l went to see HV as l was struggling to cope. I was told she's quite intelligent and doesn't know how to channel it. I'm a childcare practitioner so I'm quite used to them. We still have them but less frequently but more aggressive. She will roll around on the floor, scream so loud it hurts your ears and she's quite aggressive and will throw and lash out at me. She bites her older sister. These can carry on for 20-30 minutes. We try to ignore her as the more we interact the worse she gets. On the odd occasion she's wet herself. She doesn't have these at school apart from the couple of occasions she refused to go to school. These are usually caused by not getting her own way and quite often food related.
Food....She's a good eater, likes to snack but isn't too fussy. Always hungry.
No sensory issues with clothing etc.
She does really worry about being alone. In the past she's talked about us dying and she'll be left alone when we've gone.
We've spoken to the schools support worker, nursing team and she's seen a counsellor. As soon as we mention there has been some improvement they think job done! It's so up and down its never done. School support worker recommended this site but didn't say why. The nursing team said we've to do a diary and if the meltdowns don't improve we may be able to get her assessed through school or our GP.
This all may seem like nothing to some people's struggles but it has affected our family life and my mental health greatly. I think it also affects my relationship with her and we've struggled to get support.
Just wondering what people's thoughts are?
Many thanks
Hi there, I am in a similar sitation as you. My daughter was referred to paediatrics at the age of 2, and has been under them since. She was only accepted by CAMHS in November and has had her initial assessment but we are now waiting for an assessment date. Since lockdowns first began, she has drastically gone downhill, and very similar issues that you are having. She has regressed at bedtimes, and after two years of her self settling we are now back at what we had to do with her as a toddler, staying in the room, she has meltdowns extreme all hours of the night, even after a few nights sleeping in with us she is now doing it in our room when we are with her. We let her in with us purely so that her brother can get sleep (they share a room), and so that she can calm with us, its survival for us too as that’s the only chance we get to sleep, and even then it’s only 3 hours a night if that. She has severe anxiety, and is frightened of anything and everything, CAMHS turned her down three times last year, and she masked at school so was never problems there, however now there is battles with the build up to school, and also when she gets home she is having meltdowns. After spending all day there that’s understandable, but the amount of sleep she is getting which is very little i cannot understand where she gets her energy from, we are exhausted mentally and physically. Doctors tried her on melatonin, however she will not take it, and on the off chance she does, she sleeps for around 3 hours and then wakes as if shes had a full nights sleep. She was very early speaking, communication is fine however when in a meltdown she has selective mutism. She is very strict with routine and the slightest change can cause chaos, she relies on sensory items but with the nighttime thing its definately worse, so you are not alone! She has also become more physically challenging, and tries to self harm, and also lash out at us at times which is something we have never seen before. I share the Same frustrations as you, as soon as there’s the smallest improvement with something they assume that all is fine and hold back support. My daughter is six, seven in September, and i am also bipolar so it can be really really difficult to deal with. We feel so helpless, and hate not knowing how to manage it sometimes, a lot to people i talk to have much older children so i cannot really relate. She often talks about not wanting to grow up or be an adult, as she doesn’t want to be on her own and has mentioned about dying a few times before. We are currently waiting for a property to become available so that her brother does not have to share bedroom and can sleep without being disturbed, but it feels as though everything just takes so much time. I hope you get support with your daughter soon xxx