teenagers, computers and violence

Your posting made me wonder if there  is anything useful I could tell you that I've learned from my son. He is 21 years old now and has Aspergers. We have been through some horrendous years with him, I am a social worker and am great with everybody elses children but tried everything with my son and failed to have an impact on his behaviour. There were times when I didn't know where to turn and thought I would have a breakdown.

I guess the light at the end of the tunnel is that my son is gradually maturing, and he is much calmer now that he is older. Sadly he had a serious mental health problem in his later teenage years linked to anxiety but he is much happier now.

My husband and I were concerned at the amount of time he spent on the computer when he was younger. We worried that it made him socially isolated and that he was obsessional about his games. He couldn't get to sleep until late at night and had no interest in his school work. However, now that school is behind him and he is not engaged in any work or education, I look upon the computer as a lifeline for him -so it is all relative. He keeps in touch with so many people and is educating himself by following his interests on the internet.

After my son had his mental breakdown, we stopped having expectations for him and trying to influence his choices. I reasoned that we had tried everything we know and it hadn't improved the situation, so we let him do everything his way now. This works much better. Our relationship has improved dramatically. We no longer have the "meltdowns" we used to have. Obviously he gets angry sometimes, that is to be expected, but not in the destructive way it used to happen.

Perhaps taking a massive step back and letting him try regulating himself for a while might shift the stalemate you seem to be in at the moment.

Your posting made me wonder if there  is anything useful I could tell you that I've learned from my son. He is 21 years old now and has Aspergers. We have been through some horrendous years with him, I am a social worker and am great with everybody elses children but tried everything with my son and failed to have an impact on his behaviour. There were times when I didn't know where to turn and thought I would have a breakdown.

I guess the light at the end of the tunnel is that my son is gradually maturing, and he is much calmer now that he is older. Sadly he had a serious mental health problem in his later teenage years linked to anxiety but he is much happier now.

My husband and I were concerned at the amount of time he spent on the computer when he was younger. We worried that it made him socially isolated and that he was obsessional about his games. He couldn't get to sleep until late at night and had no interest in his school work. However, now that school is behind him and he is not engaged in any work or education, I look upon the computer as a lifeline for him -so it is all relative. He keeps in touch with so many people and is educating himself by following his interests on the internet.

After my son had his mental breakdown, we stopped having expectations for him and trying to influence his choices. I reasoned that we had tried everything we know and it hadn't improved the situation, so we let him do everything his way now. This works much better. Our relationship has improved dramatically. We no longer have the "meltdowns" we used to have. Obviously he gets angry sometimes, that is to be expected, but not in the destructive way it used to happen.

Perhaps taking a massive step back and letting him try regulating himself for a while might shift the stalemate you seem to be in at the moment.