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teenagers, computers and violence

mrstiggywinkle

I am a mum to a 14 year old son with Asperger Syndrome. He is now bigger than me and makes no attempt to contorol his anger. He is a very bright boy and a wonderfully gifted musician but all he does day and night is play on his computer. He is happy to stay up all night and gets in a rage when we try and make him go to bed. If we try and get him to do anything other than play on the computer then he just errupts into fury and starts hitting us and damaging property.

He is on fluoxetin and manages well at school with a high level of support. I don't want to give up on him but I'm at my wit's end.

I am a special teacher and can give sound, sensible advice to other parents but it just doesn't seem to work for me.

HELP!

Parents

  • Your post could have been written by my own mother some 12 years ago (when I was 14). I was completely addicted to the computer, too, and would subject her to the most horrendous and violent 'meltdowns' if she tried to take it away. The power and lure of being on the computer, particularly online, is really hard to break. It's a 'safe place' and returning to the 'real world' is never enjoyable after escaping there for a while.

    Part of my own problem was my sensory issues. I have sensory integration dysfunction and Irlen syndrome (Scotopic Light Sensitivity). At the time, I didn't know that was behind much of my anxiety and refusal to integrate beyond the machine, but once I learned better to cope with the bombardments and distractions of 'reality' outside of the computer, I was less in need of that safe place.

    I'm still a computer head, but I can bear to part from it now. The allure of something that existed away from the computer was what finally broke the bond. For me, it was a trip abroad to meet my 'best friend' who I'd met online and chatted with daily for 2 years. Our parents finally arranged for me to go to America to spend Christmas with her. It was an amazing gift, and it did two wonderful things - forced me to face the outside world, and forced me to step away from my computer for two weeks.

    I'd be interested to know what your son does on the computer, because that might help explain exactly what needs are being fulfilled (e.g. escapism via games, sensory calming via music/video, social contact via forums/messengers etc). That way, you might be able to introduce other ways of meeting those needs. Every person is different after all. What worked for me might help you or it might not, but I do wish you the best of luck!

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  • Your post could have been written by my own mother some 12 years ago (when I was 14). I was completely addicted to the computer, too, and would subject her to the most horrendous and violent 'meltdowns' if she tried to take it away. The power and lure of being on the computer, particularly online, is really hard to break. It's a 'safe place' and returning to the 'real world' is never enjoyable after escaping there for a while.

    Part of my own problem was my sensory issues. I have sensory integration dysfunction and Irlen syndrome (Scotopic Light Sensitivity). At the time, I didn't know that was behind much of my anxiety and refusal to integrate beyond the machine, but once I learned better to cope with the bombardments and distractions of 'reality' outside of the computer, I was less in need of that safe place.

    I'm still a computer head, but I can bear to part from it now. The allure of something that existed away from the computer was what finally broke the bond. For me, it was a trip abroad to meet my 'best friend' who I'd met online and chatted with daily for 2 years. Our parents finally arranged for me to go to America to spend Christmas with her. It was an amazing gift, and it did two wonderful things - forced me to face the outside world, and forced me to step away from my computer for two weeks.

    I'd be interested to know what your son does on the computer, because that might help explain exactly what needs are being fulfilled (e.g. escapism via games, sensory calming via music/video, social contact via forums/messengers etc). That way, you might be able to introduce other ways of meeting those needs. Every person is different after all. What worked for me might help you or it might not, but I do wish you the best of luck!

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