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Seeking advice for mealtimes

NAS71236

Hi, our son (7) has just been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. My daughter (3) displays the same signs as he did at this age - not hearing us / processing what we’re asking of her, poor sleep, poor social skills etc...

It is really difficult to get her to sit with us at mealtimes and she recently stopped eating food that she previously enjoyed. 

Im wondering if she’s over stimulated by mealtimes as there are 5 of us in the family and her brothers can be loud Slight smile We’ce been telling her roam while we eat then slowly encourage her to the table where we often have to spoon-feed her. It’s a good job she’s incredibly lovely Blush

Any advice for getting her to understand she needs to sit with us would be welcomed.

Thanks, Steph 

  • Hi Steph,

    It's always difficult to offer advice without seeing a situation but from what you've written here's what I would try. I have 2 boys 5 & 7 who both have a diagnosis of ASD with the older one having a similar issue.

    I'd always ask/invite your 3y/o if she would like to sit at the table and for there always to be a space available even if she refuses. She might join you all eventually. Make sure this space would be next to whoever she is most comfortable with.

    If she won't sit, is it possible for you to sit with her at another smaller table nearby (I used a small plastic table and chairs) and to gradually move this closer to the main table so as to build her confidence and tolerance for what's bothering her?

    Would her brothers understand or be able to, if you asked them to be a little quieter during mealtimes initially incase this is something that's bothering your 3y/o? I'm not a fan of ear defenders as I feel it's important to try and help desensitize someone if noise is bothering them although I appreciate that's not always possible or doesn't always work.

    Other things I would try would be to see if she'll sit with you at the table outwith mealtimes even for a few minutes. This may give a clearer indication that it might be too much noise for her or too much going on. (visually)

    It's quite difficult to say but look at her expressions, reactions to noises or the environment which may give you a clue as to why she won't sit with you all. I'm sure you'll work it out but it may take time.

    I'm not a fan of the roaming aspect but that's just me and maybe that's what's needed just now until things settle down for her.

    It would be nice if you could let us know how you get on but please don't feel you have to.

    Best wishes,

    John

  • i think u are doing the correct thing including her as an equal member of family thats a good thing,,,  maybe try a small set of ear defenders  to see if that helps her 

    and make sure she has slightly more room at the table. 

    You are already a very experienced autism mum so listen to what u think is best !  ----- try a different locations at table ?