21yr old autistic son being taken advantage of by girl he thinks he is in love with .

ok so this a long complicated story so here is a little back ground info 

i am his mum , carer and appointee looking after his money - i pay all his bills allocate money for food savings etc and then he is given spending money of what is left 

i believe he has PDA - pathological demand avoidance but its not on his diagnosis just autism 

he has been smoking cannabis for a few years -  he wont have any medication from a doctor he uses the cannabis to self medicate  and the act of rolling etc fulfils his need to fiddle , to obsessively do the same things etc 

helped my son find his own flat when he was 19 because he beat me too many times to let him stay at home, i was calling the police for help 3 times a day at the worst period 

when he moved into his flat i was there everyday ,helping with everything and he settled in fine created his bubble and was happy ,

as a result of the cannabis use he associates with some unsavoury people and has a very skewed idea of friendship ,he sees them as friends because they gave him cannabis , because they make themselves available to him whenever because they are drug dealers and he has money but my son doesnt see this , he sees someone going out of his way for him and therefore this guy is a friend ,and so it goes on with others as well

through his associations with unsavoury people he met a young girl , she was younger than him and from a rough family and soon learnt that he would offer to buy her things like food etc or cigarettes if she told him she didnt have money , long story short , she soon realised if she told him a sob story she could manipulate him to do pretty much anything , because he thought he could help her or he wanted to help her , he was always the one getting help it made him feel useful to help someone else , and he was developing feelings for her

this has gone one for sometime , he has become unreasonable protective of her to the extent that i dont feel safe being at his right now because he will attack me if he thinks i am not happy with her, 

she has become very good at total manipulation and she has done well

so far she has managed to get 

free housing -no rent he pays it

free food - he buys it

free gas ,electric, water -he pays it 

free clothes, hair cuts, make up etc because she tells him she needs them and doesnt have the money and gets sad so he wants to help and so gives her money etc 

and off course there is the free drugs he buys cannabis for himself but she is smoking loads now so he is put in a position why he is asking for more money and then he fights with me ,and so on and so on ,

when he wasnt with her he did some cannabis but he had a specific amount he would buy and smoke to keep himself feeling ok and it allowed him to continue to live a fulfilling life but now he has no interests of his own because he has to be with her all the time because she will tell him she doesnt like to be on her own ,

anyway i could go on and on for hours ,what i wanted to ask was what can i do ? he needs help , she needs to be removed from him because he is not happy but he feels like he has to stay in the situation because she loves him and he is all she has .

i have spoken to the police and they say they cannot do anything so i wondered if anyone had any ideas ,

she is destroying his life and he cannot see it 

thank you in advance for your help Slight smile

Parents
  • Hey! Hazel I’ve good some good information for you. Please search Mate Crime it’s a Disability Hate Crime which is the police do know about and can arrest individuals involved. It’s all safeguarding because everything you’ve said shows clears exploitation of your sons learning disability from his girlfriend. Please do your research and proceed to protect your son!!  There’s so many types of mate crime which can go from financial to sexual exploitation. Many police forces many not be educated well on it but they do know about it. 

    good luck :) 

    sam

  • Thank you i will do my research , thanks for your help .

  • Let me know how it goes Slight smile

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