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Hi, another newbie

aprilfish

Hi

We have a son who has had communication problems since he was small, had help from the speech and language unit in primary to deal with his SLI but is left with what appears to be undiagnosed ASD. An early ADOS test stated that he was not on the spectrum  as he was only 5 at the time we feel that cannot be that reliable.  We have an appointment at CAMHS in March and are hoping to make progress on that front then. His speech therapist who has known him for years has always thought that he had mild ASD.

He is now in Y8 at Secondary ( mainstream) and we are finding the school's approach to his issues very disappointing. They have stopped the person centred use of teaching assistants and insist he has 8 TAs, most of whom he now ignores. He is generally very well behaved and works hard and so is not considered a 'problem' at school. However he does not have opportunities to practice his social skills - they have made him comfortable in the learning resource base at lunchtime where he plays on the computer, and he goes to the base at breaktime too - and have ignored our requests a year ago for proper buddy systems. We suspect that it really is too difficult for them to do the necessary things.

We are approaching this by making it clear to school and LA where there is a breach of his Statement and asking for amendments. But we are also thinking of changing his school, either to a small independent school, where our elder son went (no ASD diagnosis for him although elder son had some milder 'tendencies' that way which appear to have gone away) or to another mainstream.  The school we are thinking of has a 'family feel' with teachers who have been there for a long time and small classes.  It has some pupils who have special needs  eg dyslexia, dyspraxia and ASD. He will probably hate the change, if we do this, so this may be more issues. An alternative would be a mainstream school with a specific autism expertise but the nearest that is any good is some distance from home and he would need transporting so lose independence. We also want him to learn to socialise with people without ASD if at all possible, as he is always desperate to make friends with others. He has become more anxious  since starting Secondary, we think, although he insists he is 'fine'. In particular he has a bad stammer now when dealing with peer group conversations.

We are wondering if anyone else out there has had experiences, positive or negative, of a small independent school approach.

 

 

  • hi puppy14 - thanks for telling us a bit more about your daughter.  A dislike of change is common to autism so I'm sure that whenever possible you'll try to keep to a routine she understands.  Sometimes environments we'd regard as ordinary can be chaotic for people with autism.  Understanding autism means changing how you view everything, trying to appreciate how it is for the autistic person, bearing in mind their individual personality.  Things that can be irritating to us, such as certain noises, certain people's behaviour, other sensory issues, can be more intense for them, depending on how their autism manifests itself.  I can understand why the family will be upset when she has an outburst but she cd well be more upset than the rest of you.  Sometimes it's difficult to identify what causes an outburst.  Sometimes my son can tell me straight away why he's upset, other times he can't at all.  Sometimes it's a build up of pressures during a day or days - things just piling up 1 by 1 until it's too much.  If you can identify the cause of the outburst then there may be a way of avoiding it or having less of an outburst.  Understanding how autism affects your child helps you to see things differently.  You realise how difficult some of the things we take for granted sometimes are for them.  With that understanding you can help your child + if your family understands as well, you can maybe calm things down over time.

  • hi aprilfish - it's a dilemma, isn't it, because we all want to do our best for our children.  Nothing will be perfect so it's trying to get the best "fit".  That's only something you can decide along with your son.  Getting a diagnosis + statement will certainly help, but these things take time.  I hope you all can get to where you need to be asap.  bw

  • Hi Chrystal 12 and thanks for your comments.

    I suppose my real concern is that we know the Secondary  mainstream setting does not help son with his social skills and school do not comply with the statement he already has, but as he is very much on the mild end of the spectrum he does not fit with our local autism school either - but needs somewhere a bit more supportive and where he has to interact! So the small independent feels like a gamble too.

     

     

     

     

  • Thank you for your reply, she has always been a challenging child, she doesn't like change which can lead to anxiety & upset. It is hard to describe her behaviour. We're in the process of a statement, her school is very supportive and she has a 1-1 all day & at break times, without it she wouldn't cope. She has no friends & play with children in reception class. She is a beautiful girl,  when she has an outburst it is very upsetting for the whole family, she has got younger brother & older sister. we have tried to explain to them that she doesn't mean what she says or does & that she can't help it but they don't understand & sometimes we don't. 

  • hi pupp14 - welcome to the forums - there's loads of info in the posts + via the home page, so you don't need to feel alone, people on here understand + will give info/support.  Cd you tell us a bit more about your little girl such as why you think she's anxious, upset + challenging?  It'll help posters to reply.  How's she doing at school?

    bw

  • Hi my child was diagnosed 4 months ago with ASD, she is 10yrs old, she is very anxious all of the time, has outburst daily, very challenging behaviour. It would be good to talk to other parents & get advice and feel we're not alone. Looking forward to hearing from other parents as this is all new to us.

  • hi - I think you're right to persue a diagnosis + then a statement of educational needs.  I don't have experience of a small independent school so cannot comment as I'm sure they'll vary in what they can offer, so the one you're thinking of I cannot comment on.  My son went to autism-specific schools, which were small.  1 was an LEA day school, the other was an independent school specialising in autism, but I think you're looking for something different from that.  There are posts on here about children who whilst managing in a primary setting, struggle to some degree in a secondary setting. That's why a diagnosis followed up by a statement shd be helpful support-wise.  In the end it's getting the best educational setting to meet your child's individual needs.  Gd luck with everything.