Hello folks!
There is an absolute boat load of info that i could put here so ill try to keep it as relevant as possible..
my son, 9 years old, is at least suspected of being on the spectrum with aspergers.
there were assessments when he was around 3 - 4 years but signs had been noted by his nursery
with his mother and i having parted ways im basically totally unaware of an official diagnosis
but there signs.
his social iq is rather low, he dosent seem to follow conversations properly
seems to take to much of what gets said as literal / despite having explained on a handful of occasions about rhetorical questions
he still tries to answer bless him.
dosent seem to get sarcasm very well
seems very blissfully unaware of himself and his behaviour (but he is 9 lol)
despite being told that he eats all sorts with his mum and others that have cared for him
he turns his nose up at almost everything i try to suggest (for example, he has had chicken nuggets many times else where but when ive suggested it "oh no ive not had those / dont like them" ) umm what?
uses the same old expressions when an opportunity comes up when its not needed
and he, what i can only describe as "streams to himself / others"
to elaborate , we have all seen youtubers and how they are almost constantly commentating on what they are doing
this is what he does virtually all the time (and i admit, after so long it crushes my head because he simply just does not shut up, like ever)
also, NEVER SHUTS UP lol
there have been incidents with him at school where hes hit other kids.
he does get bullied at school (according to him) but according to the school HE is the one that
is instigating and then gets upset and lashes out either physically or verbally when he dosent get his own way
although i cant be 100% but he has been caught out lying numerous times by his mum and ive caught him out too
i can go on and on and on and on but!
the plot twist commeth..
his mum has known about his Aspergers for say 4 - 5 years and basically has not told him
yes you read that right..
as far as im aware HE DOES NOT KNOW THAT HE HAS ASPERGERS
his mum has been saying that she wants to throw him a party to celebrate and shine a positive light on his aspergers
but she has been "planning" this party for about 2 and a half odd years or more..
as you might have guessed i dont believe it.. i do believe that she is not telling him because it suits her
and now she has the added excuse of the pandemic to use as to why its not happened yet, i dont see anything happening anytime soon.
my concerns are about how not knowing is holding him back..
when hes upset and is saying he is stupid, its difficult to think of how to reply as to me.him knowing that he has aspergers
would explain why he struggles with things, or struggles to understand etc so he knows that he is in fact not stupid, its (at least from what i can fathom)
the learning difficulties that come with aspergers and that he needs some extra help with whatever it might be
things like reading and pronouncing the word wrong or gives the wrong word entirely (possibly dyslexia of some degree?)
not to mention social interactions with his peers and adults around him, mis-understandings mis-interpretations
on one hand a lot of this could be down to the fact that hes a typical cheeky 9 year old
but it could also be down to aspergers..
im not even sure if his school fully know about his assessment / daignosis..
but i feel stuck, very stuck because ive respected his mother wishes to keep it from him despite not agreeing with it at all
and if i do tell him..
its just going to cause a mess, will he believe me? will he be angry at me?
will he "turn" on his mum for not telling him?
not to mention that shes the kind of spiteful to possibly stop me seeing him if i do tell him and despite what happens to me
once the cat is out of the bag and all that there is possibly a big mess to sort, hurt feelings etc so aye..
any advise out there?
on a side note his mother and have done mediation to bring all involved with him together so we can work off the same hym sheet as it were
and i did mention it, it was met with nothing but excuses (the mediatior did nothing to challenge her either just left it like "your going to throw the party when you can" sort of thing)
but thats not happened in around 2 and a half years so its certainly not going to happen anytime soon.
im worried for him.
im worried how hard things are about to get for him in school and when he moves to high school (or secondary whichever it is)
with his lack of social understanding, and regarding his education.. (says his reading is good but messes up words regularly)
seems to struggle to say a full sentence with "flow", his speech can be stuttery and a bit broken and sometimes the sentence just totally breaks down so he has to start it again..
because of his not wonderful behaviour, his mum has restricted his after school social activities
he basically has no friends out side of school
dosent go to other kids houses, no other kids come to his etc
im told that i have to accept him for what he is but i see a world of hurt ahead of him.. and thats what i want to protect him from as best as i can.
i feel that if it goes on and hes not told then god only knows what will become of him.
i think its better for him to know and then be able to get honest help with what he needs to help him progress in life that for him to not know and suffer for a lot of his life when
with him knowing he can get the help he needs..
anyhow, good luck and all the best for 2021 to whomever happens across this post. 
