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Worried about son at university

NAS69488

Hello everyone.

First a little background info. After an 11 year struggle to get professionals to take my concerns seriously, my son was formally diagnosed with ASD, ADHD and DCD aged 16. He had little to no educational support at school and even less at college. Despite that, he achieved good exam results, applied to university and secured a place. He moved into student accommodation in mid September - he was the first of five students to move into a shared flat - and seemed to settle in well almost immediately.

It has now been almost a month since he left home. Initially he was quite good at letting me know how he was getting on however, recently he has stopped answering my calls and when he responds to texts it's with a short, succinct, 'I'm okay mum' 

I'm sure he is fine and everyone around me keeps telling me not to worry. I just know my son is not the most forthcoming and if he were struggling, he probably wouldn't ask anyone for help. My fears were compounded when I saw that he posted a group photo on instagram - two of his flatmates were standing next to him holding their noses while he seemed totally oblivious and somewhat inebriated. I might be reading too much into it, though previous experience has taught me that personal hygiene is sometimes a challenge for my son - I would hate to think he is being ostracised or bullied because of that.

I apologise for my lengthy first post. I would really appreciate some advice and suggestions on how I can encourage my son to answer my calls and let me know if he needs my help. 

Many thanks

Parents

  • I can understand your worry. That photo does sound like they're teasing him in it, and could be a sign of bullying. Also that he's not responding in much length or detail to you hints to me he's stressed out and overwhelmed, my guess would be he might be overloaded by the people he's living with. Students are all stuck together for longer hours than usual at the moment with the pandemic and I've heard some people raise concerns about how that will affect Autistic people.

    Are there any other family members you could get to contact him, or close friends he has, maybe if it was through a third party he would open up more. Could be that for whatever reason he's embarrassed talking to you, most likely because of who he's around, there might be a stigma (or if not he may feel there is one) to talking to your parents among other uni students.

  • in reply to Roswell

    Thank you. I suspect you're correct that he would rather not talk to mum around his new flatmates, which I understand. Sadly I don't know anyone who he might open up to - family members can be insensitive and ignorant which doesn't help, and I don't feel it would be appropriate for me to reach out to his friends. I'm trying hard not to worry. I've let him know I'm here if he needs me and left the ball in his court.

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  • in reply to Roswell

    Thank you. I suspect you're correct that he would rather not talk to mum around his new flatmates, which I understand. Sadly I don't know anyone who he might open up to - family members can be insensitive and ignorant which doesn't help, and I don't feel it would be appropriate for me to reach out to his friends. I'm trying hard not to worry. I've let him know I'm here if he needs me and left the ball in his court.

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