help my daughter wants to leave 6th form

Hi Sneezy,

i can relate to your situation. My son dropped out of 6th form in the first year after a physical falling out with some boys - he hits when he is stressed and he was very stressed. This led eventually to his diagnosis afetr referrals to CAMHS at 7 amd 14, but not until depression had made him miss so much college he felt he was too far behind to catch up. So he was allowed to miss the rest of the year - and if I'm honest he just sat about and did nothing . I work too , but at least i could pop hme at lunchtime and get him up and eating. I tried to get him to do one thing a day even if it was walk round the block, or go to the library.

However, he did manage after a shaky start to begin again the following September . Being with a different set of peers helped, and he is now in his second year on track to finish A levels in June. His attendance is not what the college wants , but he is bright and getting away with it - he's doing education in the way that works for him.

Just wanted to say I tried really hard to get him to carry at college on thinking it would be a bad thing if he missed a year, but to be honest it makes no difference. When you ask around lots of kids spend 3 year in 6 form - don't see it as a sign of failure. He has a twin brother ( at a differnt college) so the difference was very noticeable when the other when off to uni this year , but he isn't bothered - its working for him.

Is it a sixth form attached to a school or a 6th form college. I have regular email contact with my sons tutor - he's at 6th form college, and I feed back when attendance doesn't look good from our end, and likewise he will query if lessons are missed for more than a day or two. It's not good your daughter missed 3 weeks and no-one contacted you - especially as she has a diagnosis. 

Could you see if you could transfer her now to where she wants to go - after all people do move into the area all the time and join school mid year . With her needs they may be more willing that otherwise. If not, could she spend time on her art coursework during the year and maybe even teach herself some of the ICT or just concentrate on a maths resit in June - maybe evening classes? If you do get her to go back, they shoud be able to offer an extension for the coursework - often it is only the schools deadline , not the exam board. She can always

Free periods are a time of loneliness for my son. Does your daughter have to stay on site? I encourage my son to either spend it doing homework( like they are meant for!) or if that's not working for him, get off site, go shopping for a walk or whatever - anything other than sitting feeling bad. Could her timetable be made easier? A 6th form college usually has more flexibility in timetabling  as they have more option blocks. maybe her 6th form could be more accomodating?

Is your daughter on medication? My son takes prozac/Fluoxetine which helps his depression and anxiety. We too have faced some dark times. The key for my son was keeping him busy and building a weekly timetable at college and out of college that works for her. Sport does seems to work at lifting his spirits, also activities that don't rely on making arrangements with unreliable friends. The disappointment when they cancel on him is hard to handle.

I would also try and contact your local authority.  They may be able to agree to fund a support worker for a couple of hours a week , or some activities to keep her busy. You may need to spell it out how hard things are for her to get them to do somthing, but to be honest if she is not in college they will be more concerned.

Hope you come up with some options that will work for your daughter - there are always options, but sometimes its hard to work out what they are.

Hi Sneezy,

i can relate to your situation. My son dropped out of 6th form in the first year after a physical falling out with some boys - he hits when he is stressed and he was very stressed. This led eventually to his diagnosis afetr referrals to CAMHS at 7 amd 14, but not until depression had made him miss so much college he felt he was too far behind to catch up. So he was allowed to miss the rest of the year - and if I'm honest he just sat about and did nothing . I work too , but at least i could pop hme at lunchtime and get him up and eating. I tried to get him to do one thing a day even if it was walk round the block, or go to the library.

However, he did manage after a shaky start to begin again the following September . Being with a different set of peers helped, and he is now in his second year on track to finish A levels in June. His attendance is not what the college wants , but he is bright and getting away with it - he's doing education in the way that works for him.

Just wanted to say I tried really hard to get him to carry at college on thinking it would be a bad thing if he missed a year, but to be honest it makes no difference. When you ask around lots of kids spend 3 year in 6 form - don't see it as a sign of failure. He has a twin brother ( at a differnt college) so the difference was very noticeable when the other when off to uni this year , but he isn't bothered - its working for him.

Is it a sixth form attached to a school or a 6th form college. I have regular email contact with my sons tutor - he's at 6th form college, and I feed back when attendance doesn't look good from our end, and likewise he will query if lessons are missed for more than a day or two. It's not good your daughter missed 3 weeks and no-one contacted you - especially as she has a diagnosis. 

Could you see if you could transfer her now to where she wants to go - after all people do move into the area all the time and join school mid year . With her needs they may be more willing that otherwise. If not, could she spend time on her art coursework during the year and maybe even teach herself some of the ICT or just concentrate on a maths resit in June - maybe evening classes? If you do get her to go back, they shoud be able to offer an extension for the coursework - often it is only the schools deadline , not the exam board. She can always

Free periods are a time of loneliness for my son. Does your daughter have to stay on site? I encourage my son to either spend it doing homework( like they are meant for!) or if that's not working for him, get off site, go shopping for a walk or whatever - anything other than sitting feeling bad. Could her timetable be made easier? A 6th form college usually has more flexibility in timetabling  as they have more option blocks. maybe her 6th form could be more accomodating?

Is your daughter on medication? My son takes prozac/Fluoxetine which helps his depression and anxiety. We too have faced some dark times. The key for my son was keeping him busy and building a weekly timetable at college and out of college that works for her. Sport does seems to work at lifting his spirits, also activities that don't rely on making arrangements with unreliable friends. The disappointment when they cancel on him is hard to handle.

I would also try and contact your local authority.  They may be able to agree to fund a support worker for a couple of hours a week , or some activities to keep her busy. You may need to spell it out how hard things are for her to get them to do somthing, but to be honest if she is not in college they will be more concerned.

Hope you come up with some options that will work for your daughter - there are always options, but sometimes its hard to work out what they are.