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The Older Generation

Heledhil

I'm finding it very difficult as I get older (retired now) and my son (43) a very late-diagnosed Asperger's, faces more and more problems.

He has some help and there seems at long last to be a slowly growing realisation as to how much his condition affects him.  But the future is bleak, especially with the looming cuts.

For me, on my own, it's a life of increasing isolation as I am both excluded by the organisation helping him (it's how they work!!) and I have tried to find a group I can get to (I'm disabled physically now) to share ways of coping, but there is nothing even reasonably local.

Still, I find as a mother I am still treated as THE problem - whether it's blame for the original condition, blame for his behaviourial traits, blame for anything he can't cope with, blame for not being the perfect mother .................  it's very hard to be constantly criticised and to have no-one else batting on your side.

I wish sometimes I could just start walking and never stop.

Are there any other older parents or carers who feel they are simply shoved to one side, but expected to shoulder all the problems that arise?

Parents

  • hi again - yes, I've had to pick up the pieces with a previous care provider so I know how you feel.  It's so worrying + debilitating + can drag on literally ages + ages.  The lack of sleep doesn't help either.  Would your son consider changing his care provider?  He doesn't need to stick to the same 1, even tho he lives in accommodation managed by that provider.  He can stay there + still have a different provider. That's what my son's got.  Also, have you enquired about getting a carer's assessment?  I'm not joking.  Altho my son didn't live with us, I requested 1 a while back because I was doing a lot of caring for him.  In the end I didn't pursue it because circumstances changed for the better.  (New provider.)  You can ask via your GP or SW.  Sorry if you know all this already.  It wd help to highlight the issues.  Is his care provider autism-specific or more a generalist provider?  bw

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  • hi again - yes, I've had to pick up the pieces with a previous care provider so I know how you feel.  It's so worrying + debilitating + can drag on literally ages + ages.  The lack of sleep doesn't help either.  Would your son consider changing his care provider?  He doesn't need to stick to the same 1, even tho he lives in accommodation managed by that provider.  He can stay there + still have a different provider. That's what my son's got.  Also, have you enquired about getting a carer's assessment?  I'm not joking.  Altho my son didn't live with us, I requested 1 a while back because I was doing a lot of caring for him.  In the end I didn't pursue it because circumstances changed for the better.  (New provider.)  You can ask via your GP or SW.  Sorry if you know all this already.  It wd help to highlight the issues.  Is his care provider autism-specific or more a generalist provider?  bw

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